


Love, In So Few Words

by EnviousHera



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: "What the hell is that?" "You know what it is bitch.", A little gore, Angst with a Happy Ending, BACK AT IT AGAIN, BDSM, Bad Humor, Ben Solo has mommy issues, Ben Solo is a Mess, Bisexual Rey (Star Wars), Blood and Torture, Cautionary Tale, Complete, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Crazy Bitch Rey, Crazy Rey, Creepy and delusional Rey, Dark, Dark Reylo, Dark/Very Dark Fic, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Desperation, Domestic Fluff, Dominant Rey, Drugged Ben Solo, Drugged Kylo Ren, Evil Rey (Star Wars), F/M, First Dates, Good Boy Ben Solo, HEA, Healing, Horror, Is This More Than You Bargained For Ben?, Kidnapping, Leia is awful, Lil murder just a lil one, Los Angeles, Love at First Sight, Medication, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Not Safe Sane and Consensual, Obsession, Obsessive Rey, Of course there's some gore bc I wrote this, Online Dating, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Reylo - Freeform, Rope Bondage, S&M, Secrets, Sleep assault, Soulmates, Stalked Ben, Stalker Rey, Stalking, Straight Up Abuse, Submissive Kylo Ren, Switching it up, Taking responsibility, Therapy, This Is Why You Shouldn't Trust People Even If They're Hot, Trouble In Paradise, Violence, also smut, bb boi get yo smooches, bound and gagged, completed work, drunk kylo, held captive, i'm a mess, internet stalking, mentions of past molestation, smut smut smut, swipe right, twuuu wuvvv uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2020-07-25 12:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20025550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnviousHera/pseuds/EnviousHera
Summary: Rey swipes right on sweet, hot Ben Solo.After obsessing for a few days, they finally meet up for what Ben thinks is a 'pump and dump' type situation. Unfortunately for Ben, Rey has no intentions of just hooking up.What she has in mind is more permanent.*finished*





	1. Chapter 1

I was sitting on my phone in the dark, ignoring the giant essay I was supposed to be writing. It was late, and I was basically swiping left on every person that I saw. 

Boring asshole. 

Basic. 

Slut. 

Loser. 

Douchebag dude bro. 

I sighed. This stupid app had only given me short conversations that now ended up being left on read as soon as someone told me they wanted to fuck. I'd been doing a lot of hooking up lately, and I didn't really feel like yet another meaningless hook up. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, but there had to be more than just nothing. 

Left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Le -

My thumb paused on its swipe and I quickly clicked the profile instead. 

_Oh..._

The first thing I noticed was the guy in the picture was _huge_.

He was also so weirdly handsome... A big nose, dark eyes, dark hair, pale skin. He was in a tight black shirt, holding a tumbler in his big hand and smiling lazily at the camera. I felt my heart start pumping really fast and after a few minutes, I finally broke away to read his bio. 

_Ben Solo, 27:_

_Here for a good time, not a long time. _

🥃🍺🍜🍺🥃

_Looking for a kindred spirit who likes good whiskey, Nietzsche, ramen, Scorsese, and long walks on Venice boardwalk._

My mouth was hanging open and I quickly sent him a super like. 

And as fate would have it, we were a match. I hugged my phone and a few tears fell down my cheeks. Yes! 

We talked for days, staying up late until one of us fell asleep. (Usually him.) I found all of his social media outlets, and I soaked up everything I could about him. He had a lot of friends, always out having fun and going to cool, interesting places I'd never heard of. 

I browsed all of his pictures and printed a few of them out so I could tack them to my wall and touch myself while I gazed at them through lidded eyes. 

He was perfect. So, so perfect... 

Naturally, I looked through his mother and father's facebooks, his uncle, his friend's and even found two ex girl friend's profiles. They were beautiful, way better looking than me, and I fucking _hated_ them. I hated them so much... I printed out their pictures as well and found some spells online that would make their hair fall out and their teeth rot. Fucking _whores_.

I maybe even did a few spells that were supposed to kill them... No big deal. They didn't work right away, but I could wait. But I couldn't wait for _him_. The week dragged and school dragged even more. 

I casted love spells on Ben to help the time fly by, ones that were supposed to make him desire me so much that it made him insane with passion. Then he would know just how love sick I felt. 

I found someone online who was a professional at getting information on people, and I only had to pay them 200$. The guy even found his internet history, leading to the kind of porn he watched, what he bought online, what games he played on X Box... Just your usual need-to-know-info.

I also found out that he was born in New York. His birthday was October 30th. He even worked out at a gym not too far from my apartment, and the night before we agreed to go out on a date, I decided to go and see if he was there, just to see if he was really as perfect in person as he was in his pictures and texts... Just to make sure. 

He absolutely fucking was. 

I watched him through the giant window for over an hour as he did his cardio. He wasn't wearing a shirt, which I'd already seen in his pictures from Hawaii with his friends, but seeing him in real life as his sweaty pecks and abs shone in the harsh florescent lights... It was a religious experience, to say the least.

I was all but fogging up the window as I stared at him, hands smudging the glass. 

Oh. Oh _wow_... He was _perfection._

I couldn't sleep the night before our date. I stayed up and masturbated to the memory of him lifting weights, his big, bulky arms flexing. I was sore, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to, anyways. He was so handsome, and so fucking sexy. 

And he was going to be mine. 

We met at a ramen place I'd seen he frequented a lot and I was so nervous and awe-struck, I barely spoke for the first 30 minutes or so. But he was kind, carrying the conversation for me. He was so sweet, so thoughtful. I hung on every word and watched his plump lips as he told me about his job as a tech wizard. 

He told me things I already knew of course, but I didn't mind. His deep, thick voice was soaked in honey and I sipped my drink and zoned out on it. He had ordered us some special whiskey, one I'd never even heard of. I'd never liked whiskey before, but if Ben liked it, then so did I. 

And boy did he like his whiskey... He drank nearly six in the hour we'd sat there. 

Thirsty boy, I guess. 

The lights of the ramen bar were neon in cyan blues and hot pinks, casting interesting lights and shadows across his beautiful face. I barely spoke all night, only asking him questions about himself, which he gladly answered. 

I stored them away, greedily soaking up all I could about him. I felt like I was high... My mouth was dry and my heart stuttered unevenly, my hands shaking. He laughed at his own jokes, and at one point, even grabbed my thigh as he laughed. I joined in, not sure what was so funny. I was just so damn happy he was touching me. I also couldn't wait to get him back to my place... 

Everything was in order. 

He walked me home and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He was drunk, staggering a bit and laughing at a story about his best friend, Armitage Hux. I knew who he was, the stuck up red head in most of his tagged pictures. Ben lit a cigarette and I raised an eyebrow. Even _I_ didn't know he smoked... I smiled and shook my head. My Benny was full of surprises, even still. 

I helped him up my stairs and to the elevator. 

We finally arrived at my door and my hands were shaking so much from anticipation that I dropped my keys twice. Ben laughed and laughed as he tried to help me pick them up, dropping them even more than I did. 

I finally unlocked the door and as soon as we were in, he pushed me up against the door and kissed me softl. His big, plushy lips tasted wonderful, even with the faint taste of a cigarette. My heart ignited and I pulled him closer to me, turning and pushing him into the door, instead. 

Ben let out a breathy laugh and wiggled his eyebrows. 

"Ooh, I like a woman who can take control." He whispered. 

I smiled and slide my fingers through his hair before locking them in at the base of his skull, pulling him roughly to my face. 

"I know you do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

I must be the luckiest guy in the fucking world right now. Quiet girls _never_ disappointed. They had that weird girl silent dominance I craved. 

This girl... Ren, I think..? I don't fuckin know...

Anyways, this girl was slobbering all over my cock, gagging and coughing but not letting up, even when I _begged_ for her to fuck me. There wasn't much I could really do about it though, because she had me tied up on her queen sized bed with my arms tied directly above my head, my feet tied apart. 

I was almost too shit faced for this, but I was also in my happy place. 

"Oh, Mistress, please!" I moaned for the millionth fucking time. 

My toes were curling and I could feel that my cock was about to fire hose blast this girl in the back of her throat, probably gonna blow the back of her head off with the trajectory of how hard I was about to cum. 

The girl suddenly pulled back off my cock, drool pouring from her pretty lips. She sat up, totally naked, and reared her hand back and smacked my cock. 

"Ah! _Fuck_!" I yelled, my entire body seizing and my orgasm ruined. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but it felt _so damn good_ My favorite. 

"Th-thank you, M-m-mistress." I whimpered as I bit my lip and eyes rolled back. Holy fuck. 

The girl smiled cruelly and picked up her panties and shoved them into my mouth, gagging me. Mm, they even tasted good. I sucked on them, ever the depraved creep. Yummy. 

"Shut the fuck up, _now._ You talk too much. _Worm_."

My belly, full of booze, jumped a little in excitement. 

_God damn_, how the fuck did she know _just_ what I wanted? The girl was perfect... I'd definitely be hitting her back up again after tonight. Whew! 

She dragged her nails down my chest, scratching and drawing a little blood. 

"Mmmph!" I groaned in the gag and my eyes rolled back. My cock was throbbing visibly. 

The girl smiled again and straddled my hips, holding my cock in her small hand and eased down onto it. Fuck, she was soaking wet and hot and tight and exactly what I'd been begging for. 

Thaaaank you! 

My eyes rolled into the back of my head again and already I felt like I was too close to cumming again. Shit, _shit_... I mashed my eyes closed and bit down on the gag, trying with all my might not to embarrass myself by busting too early. 

I peaked an eye open to see what she was doing, my drunk brain insistent on capturing a mental note to keep for the spank bank later. 

The girl was sliding up and down on my cock with ease, rolling her hips and rubbing her clit, her eyes locked on me as she bit her lip and and her eyebrows knitted upwards. 

She was gorgeous, really. I was so glad I swiped right on this little fuckin honey dip. 

I felt her pussy start to tighten and her hips stuttered a little as she came on my cock, basically screaming her moans and spasming wildly. It was pretty crazy to see; I'd never seen anything like it before and it distracted me for a second, taking it all in. 

God damn. This kinky little bitch really got off on this shit, too. Hah, holler. 

She fell forward, gasping and twitching on my chest. Her hair was all over the place, and it tickled my nose. But it also smelled really good, like oranges or some shit. 

She kept riding me slowly, and I felt her hand snake up the side of my rib cage and to my throat, and she wrapped her tiny hand around it and squeezed. I coughed into the gag and my cock twitched. 

"Mmmph... Yesssss. Choke me, Mistress. Choke me." I tried to say, but it was hardly audible. 

She turned her head to the side on my chest as she panted, and I felt her start to lean away and heard her pull open the desk of her night stand open. Her grasp on my throat tightened and I was beginning to see stars. 

I think I fuckin' love this crazy bitch. 

I vaguely heard the dresser drawer close and felt her push off of my chest, her hand leaving my throat and I gasped in air. Well. Tried to. I blinked my eyes open, still seeing stars. My head felt a lil woozy and my eyes began to focus on the girl, still riding my cock up and down. 

Hmm. This was nice. I smiled through the gag at her. 

She came more into focus and she smiled back. She had something in her hand. She was so pretty. What was in her hand? She lifted her other hand, and flicked it twice with her finger. Something wet sprayed lightly onto my stomach. What was in her hand...? 

The girl moaned softly as she rolled her hips. 

"I have something for you, Ben... Mmph..."

She leaned forward again, blinding me with her long brown hair. She wrapped one hand around my arm, and kissed the inside of my elbow. She tapped it a few times, and then I felt a cold pinch. 

What the.. fuck..? 

"What are you doing?" I tried to say, but again, this damn gag... 

The girl sat up and tossed whatever was in her hand to the floor and picked up the pace on fucking me. Oh... Oh _shit_. My orgasm built rapidly and the girl pinched my nipples roughly and spit in my face and suddenly I was cumming with the force of a fucking tsunami. 

I grunted and groaned into the gag, and faster than my orgasm, my head started swimming. My body felt like lead, and I felt a billion times drunker than I had a second ago. 

_Oh... Shiiiiit..._

The girl slowed down, milking my cock and leaned down to whisper in my ear. 

"I love you, Ben."

My eyelids fluttered shut and my heart hammered as I fell into a nice, deep sleep. 

Meh. That wasn't the first time a bitch said that. I smiled as I felt into a nice blackness. 

She got the... Ben... B.. Ben Swollo... Spppppecial....


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV
> 
> Also I've decided to lengthen the chapter count because I've decided Crazy Bitch Rey deserves a little more attention

I couldn't believe it! 

I had the man of my dreams, tied to my bed, laid out just for me. Now no other _sluts_ could touch him, or even look at him. I watched him sleep, snoring loudly with his mouth open wide. I braided my hair, ran my fingers through to undo them, and did it all over again countless times. I was in a daze of disbelief. 

I had finally caught Moby Dick and he was all mine now... My perfect pet. 

I was glad I'd bought some liquid Rohypnol. I even bought it in bulk, like some Costco type shit. He was a really big guy, made only of thick cords of muscle, probably 2% body fat. He barely fit on my bed, but I had sandwiched myself to him somehow. 

Sex with him was beyond anything I could have imagined... He even came inside of me, something I'd never done before. I hoped I would get pregnant. Fuck, I could imagine him playing with our future kids, tossing them in the air and catching them. He would be protective and have super crazy dad reflexes, like the ones in the videos on Facebook. 

All that fantasizing made me insanely horny again, and I reached over to take his big, thick cock into my hand and started to pump him. He got hard fast, and I spit in my hand to lube him up before I climbed on to him and aligned his cock and slide down slowly on it. 

A moan escaped me and my eyes fluttered closed for a moment, loving the way he stretched me out. I slide my hands onto his big, fit chest and gently began riding him. 

I couldn't contain myself or my moans but I didn't need to. Let the my fucking neighbors hear me... wouldn't be the first time. 

It didn't take long my orgasm to build up, my body tensing and tightening, reaching that delicious crest. I picked up the pace and tried my hardest to keep my eyes open so I could see his handsome face while I peaked. 

I wailed as I came, digging my nails into his chest again. 

Ben hissed and his eyes fluttered open. He was mumbling something and I leaned forward while I rode out my spasms. Fuck, fuck... 

"Mmph, _fuck!_" 

"Wha... Whass happeninggg..." Ben whimpered. 

His eyebrows were drawn up and he was frowning. 

"Shh, shh. I want you to cum for me." I panted as I gathered my strength to ride his cock like the Kentucky Derby. 

His breathing picked up but his eyes kept fluttering and closing but I think it was just because I was blowing his mind with how good I was at fucking him. 

He also kept trying to weakly pull out of the rope, but there was no way he could - I tied that shit like a fuckin sailor. Lots of research. I smiled, panting like crazy, as I looked down at him. He was probably still fucked up from the roofies, and I lowkey was really into it... Having this Italian Stallion at my mercy was _so_ fucking hot. 

I slapped his face. "Don't you dare fall asleep on me, worm. You better cum for me, and soon." I spit in his face and slapped him again. 

He blinked a couple dozen times, his eyes trying to focus, lazily darting all over the place. He licked his dry lips as he huffed out of his nose. 

"Whasss... Whasss wronn wit meee?" He slurred. 

Ugh, he was so _cute_ like this - all pathetic and confused. 

Suddenly he gnashed his teeth and I felt his cock twitch and then pulse as he came suddenly, pumping hot cum into my soaking pussy. Fuck, it was so hot I orgasmed again, both of us grunting and moaning in ecstasy. 

I leaned down and bit his shoulder and he yelped in drugged surprised. I laughed and kissed it, rolling my hips to make sure I got every drop out of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight. I broke down crying out of nowhere, so elated and satisfied with everything, with him. 

Benny, Benny... My big ol' teddy bear. 

I listened to his pulse pound and he whimpered a little when I finally lifted myself off his now soft cock. I should probably feed him... I stood up on shaking legs and picked up my short kimono robe and tied the string tightly around my waist.

I leaned down and stroked his hair. 

"Hungry, baby? I could uh..." I tried to remember what I had in my kitchen, but all I could think of were Lean Cuisines... Men didn't eat that shit. "I could order out? You want pizza?"

Ben's eyes seemed like they'd finally come back into focus and he pulled on the ropes again. 

"I... Wha time isss it...?" He was still slurring a little. 

I checked his phone. "It's 4:16am."

He blinked slowly and stared at me blankly. "I... Need to leave? I havvve... Work in the mornin...?"

I laughed and set his phone back down. "No you don't. You don't work Sundays, silly."

Ben's eyebrows knitted together. "How'd y'know thaaa..?"

I shrugged and set to braiding my hair again. "I know a lot about you, baby. You drink coffee only on weekdays, you work out at Total Gym every night at 8:30 to 10:30, you love pitbulls, you frequent Red Tube a lot. You love the colors black and red, you hate cheap beer. You were born in New York, and you paint in your free time." I booped his nose playfully. "So you want your usual? Alfredo sauce, steak and banana peppers? Extra cheese?"

Ben didn't say anything this time, just slowly raised his eyebrows. 

"Uhm. I gotta... Peeee. Cannnyou untie me? Ppplease?" He said slowly. 

I pursed my lips, considering it. I decided I wasn't ready for him to get up just yet. "No. But I can bring you a jar to pee in." I smiled. 

Ben looked at me with a very _particular_ look, one I'd seen too many times. 

Uh-uh. He was _not_ gonna give me _that_ look. 

I narrowed my eyes, my anger growing quickly. "Don't fucking look at me like that... I _hate that fucking look!_" I yelled and stomped my foot. 

Ben's mouth fell open. "N-no! Mm not givinnn you a l-l-look. Hooonest..!" His eyes were rolling up to his head as he tried to focus. 

I was shaking violently now, my hands slowly clawing into fists. "Don't fucking lie to _ME!_" I lashed out and punched a hole into the drywall and bared my teeth at him, absolutely furious. 

I _hate_ that look, I _fucking hate it!_

"I'm not fucking crazy!" I screamed as I hovered over Ben, blocking the light. 

"I - I din't say you were! Jusss calm dowww, I din't mean tooo -"

"Oh BULLSHIT!" I reared my fist back and socked him right in the face. He cried out as blood began to gush out of his nose. 

The sight of blood quickly snapped me out of my anger and I fell to my knees, crying, my hands twitching and hovering around above his face. I was panicking now, guilt filling my every fiber. Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no! 

"Oh my god, Benny, I'm _so sorry!_" I sobbed as I wrapped my arms around his head and cried, stroking his pretty black hair. 

"Is - isss fine... Mm not... Mmm not mad." He said slowly. "Jusss... Lemme get up, uhhl stop thaa bleeding, we can eat pizzzzza. Mm no big deal."

I sniffled and pulled back a little to look at him. His eyes were wide and still trying to focus and there was blood everywhere, all over my cutest kimono. God damn it... I really fucked this up. Maybe I should let him up... 

I sniffled again and stroked his hair. "Okay... Okay, yeah. You promise you're not mad...?"

Ben shook his head fast. "No, no! Noo all! Promisss.."

I smiled and kissed him, getting his blood on my lips. I giggled and wiped it off. "Whoops."

I leaned over to untie his hands. He sat up, swaying a little, and rubbed his wrists. I untied his feet, left and then right, and he stood up too quickly and toppled over. Heh, he was tough, but the drugs were stronger. 

He reached out and tried to grab his boxers, missing a few times before grabbing them and rolling over in a huff to struggle and put them on. I watched him while I sat on the bed, my head slightly cocked while I giggled. 

He was so funny. 

He finally got them on after awhile, albeit backwards, and started to crawl across the floor, knocking into furniture. Shit, he was really fucked up... I giggled again and followed him for a second before he collapsed again and fell asleep. 

Silly guy. 

I shook my head with a grin and went into the bathroom to wet a rag and clean up his bloody face. I was sure to be gentle, careful not to wake him again. I could make him some Eggos or something in the morning. 

Wow, how _domestic_ that would be... I sighed happily before I set to dragging his heavy, unconscious body back to the bed. It took a lot of effort, but I didn't mind. He belonged on my bed. The perfect sex slave he was.

After I tied him back up, I took some pictures of him and I, throwing up peace signs and kissy faces. I posted them to my Instagram with the caption "_me and bae 😍💦🌹🖤_". I contemplated posting them on his Instagram, but I wanted ones of him awake for that. So I tagged him instead for the time being. 

I snuggled up to him, snoring yet again, and closed my eyes with a big smile. I loved him so much. I couldn't believe he was finally here with me. I'd need to thank that guy I paid to hack his shit. I wondered what we'd do tomorrow when he woke up. Hmm... Maybe we could go see a movie. 

_What if he tries to run away?_

My eyes snapped open and my heart pattered unevenly. 

No! He wouldn't do that! He's happy here with me... 

I looked up at his face, illuminated by the tiny bits of light that peaked through my black out curtains. I worried my lip. Well, I could fix that. Just in case... 

I got up and went digging through my box of tools in the closet. I pulled out a small mallet, tossing it from one hand to the other and smiled. 

Yeah. Just in case...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the lyrics to the song that inspired me: 
> 
> Pulling Teeth by Green Day
> 
> _I'm all busted up  
Broken bones and nasty cuts  
Accidents will happen  
But this time I can't get up_
> 
> _She comes to check on me  
Making sure I'm on my knees  
After all, she's the one  
Who put me in this state_
> 
> _Is she ultra violent?  
Is she disturbed?  
I better tell her that I love her  
Before she does it all over again  
Oh God, she's killing me_
> 
> _ For now I lie around  
Hell that's all I can really do  
She takes good care of me  
Just keep saying my love is true_
> 
> _Is she ultra violent?  
Is she disturbed?  
I better tell her that I love he  
Before she does it all over again  
Oh God, she's killing me_
> 
> _Looking out my window for someone that's passing by  
No one knows I'm locked in here  
All I do is cry_
> 
> _For now I lie around  
Hell that's all I can really do  
She takes good care of me  
Just keep saying my love is true_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zonked Ben POV

God damn it... My body fuckin _hurt_.

It took me a few minutes just to open my eyes because they felt so fuckin heavy. I tried to stretch out but my hands were still tied together behind my head but my feet were untied. My fuckin arms were asleep. 

I was alone, though. Where was that kinky broad at..? I could barely remember the night before, my head was all fuzzy. I remembered some of the sex we had, and it was pretty great, really. It was hard to find a woman that would dominate me like that. 

Most women were into that lame ass DDLG shit... So fucking weird. I couldn't get behind something like that. It was too creepy and just made me cringe every time a girl called me daddy. Girls with daddy issues in general were just fucking annoying... So whiney and pathetic. Anytime a girl called me daddy, I unmatched with them instantly. 

I always wanted a girl who could take control and get what she wanted. I was a sucker for dominant women. Always had been, I guess. My mom was a real go-getter, never took any shit. Her and my dad argued constantly, but at the end of the day, my dad knew who called the shots and brought the bread home. I admired my mom a lot. 

Not like... In a creepy way, though. I didn't want to fuck her or whatever Freudian bullshit my ex said. She was just the kind of woman I looked for. That was normal though. People always say 'you marry your mother/father'. It was natural. So what what if I had a taste for brunette, short, and bossy women? My ex could get fucked with a buzzsaw or whatever. She didn't _know_ me. 

I guess no one really _knew_ me... I hide behind a mask of confidence and carefree Zippidy Doo Dah bullshit, but I was a train wreck underneath it all. I only allowed myself a few vices, booze being my favorite. I got that from my old man, for sure. I wonder if things are learned, or just genetic... I mean my dad was adopted, but it turned out that his parents were drunks too, just like him. Just like me, I guess...

Whatever. Life fucking sucked, then you died. And try as I might, life wasn't quite through with me yet, despite my best efforts. There was something hallow inside of me, and nothing would ever fill that gaping hole. My therapist suggested sunshine and exorcise for my blues but they didn't help for shit. At least being a buff beef cake gave me confidence. 

Whatever. 

I stared at the ceiling for awhile. I really felt like shit, even worse now that I was stuck in silence, left alone with my thoughts. How boring. I was starting to jonze for a cigarette and a Bloody Mary when the door opened. 

The girl came in, a plate of Eggos and burnt bacon in her hands. She smiled wide when we made eye contact and sat down on the side of the bed. 

"Are you hungry?" She asked. 

I shrugged. "I mean... Can you untie me so I can sit up?"

The girl nodded quickly and set the plate on my chest, quickly untying me. I rubbed my bruised wrists, hissing at the pain. It made my cock twitch but I had to piss before I tried to fuck this girl again. I lifted my arms up and leaned my head from side to side, helping the blood to start pumping and get rid of the dead lead feeling. 

When I had the feeling back in my arms, I twisted my back side to side, a chill inducing _crrrrrack, crraaack_ snapping noise. Mmm. Good shit. I picked up a piece of bacon and chewed on the burnt thing, trying to be polite. It tasted terrible, but the soggy, buttery waffles were pretty A-OK. 

The girl just sat and watched me eat, a day dreamy look on her face. She was in a purple and red kimono that barely covered her thighs. She was a sexy little bitch, big brown eyes that vaguely reminded me of my mom's... My cock twitched again. I groaned. Jesus Christ. 

"Hey, toots, where's the bathroom?"

The girl seemed to snap out of her day dream and picked up my plate. 

"Still gotta pee?" She asked. 

"..Yeah."

She stood up and nodded to the left. "Right there."

She walked out of the room and my eyes narrowed in on her ass as her hips swayed. Oooh girl... I licked my lips and used all my might to stand up and swayed to the bathroom. 

I'd only just noticed I was butt ass naked, but I didn't care. I had a big dick and a nice body I worked hard for. I had nothing to be self conscious of. I finished pissing and went to the sink to wash my hands. 

I looked up into the mirror and blanched. Holy shit. I looked wrecked... I pulled down on the bags of my eyes, the irritated red blood vessels in my eyes crept up too high, my cheek was a little swollen and I had a little blood crusted inside my nose. Jesus... What the fuck happened last night? This girl beat my ass. That was... That was... 

So fucking hot... 

My cock twitched yet again but I filled my hand with some cold water and swept my hair back from my face. I was still swaying a little as I walked back into her bedroom and laid down on the bed with a big huff of air. My head left weird, too light. I never had a hangover like this before. Shit balls. 

"Comfy?" The girl whispered. 

My head snapped towards her voice, and I watched with an open mouth as she slowly untied her kimono and let it drop to the floor. She was totally naked underneath, and I noticed her nipples were pierced also in the shapes of hearts. Wait, what..? 

"I like your uh..." I sat up and scratched my head. "Were you born like that? Your nipples, I mean?"

She laughed and took the few steps to cross her tiny room, and straddled my hips. "No, you goof. They're tattooed." She pushed me down and wrapped her tiny hand around my throat. She leaned down and kissed me with a lot more passion than I was prepared for.

Her other hand slide down between us and grasped my cock, rubbing herself against the tip. It felt so good, almost too good. I shivered against her lips and she suddenly bit down too hard and I gasped right as she slide down on to my cock. 

Ahhh... Fuck. 

My hands began to wander, getting a nice firm grip on her perfect peach shaped ass. She sighed into my mouth as I held on tightly and began to fuck her instead, figuring she deserved a little break. She moaned loudly, doubling the pressure on my throat. I choked a little and closed my eyes. 

I was about to cum, and something in my brain told me it was okay to bust inside her. Sure, no condom and don't ask about birth control. Why not fuck a stranger like that? I'd pay for the morning after pill or an abortion so long as I didn't have to pull out of this perfect fucking pussy. 

She squeezed even harder just as I began to cum and it made my body twitch and spasm as I shot my load into her. She released me when I had no more cum left in me, and she slowly lifted off of me and laid down next to me and curled up against my body. 

My eyes wanted to close so badly, but I fought to stay awake. I needed to go home and take a nap, shower, go through my work emails and jerk off or something. Maybe watch some House of Cards. Order in Denny's pancakes. I patted the girl on the shoulder. 

"Hey, where's my phone? It's not on the nightstand."

She nuzzled into my body and shrugged. "Who cares? Let's take a nap."

I groaned as I sat up. "Uhh, no, I can't. I got work in the morning and I need to get my shit together for it. I'll text you. Maybe we can get drinks next weekend again." I mumbled as I got up and found my boxers and pants. I fell to the floor trying to put on my pants. Fuck. 

I couldn't find my shirt but whatever. I walked into the small kitchen to find my phone, but nothing. I ran my hand through my hair and turned to look in the tiny living room. Oh, there it is. I picked it up off the couch and saw I had some Instagram notifications. I clicked on it, and saw someone had tagged me in a picture. 

_reyreycraycray_? 

The picture was of the girl I'd just fucked and me. But I was asleep. There was actually 10 pics in the slide, and they were all of her making silly faces while I was passed out. The caption read:

_me and bae 😍🌹💦_

I squinted at the pictures, my thumb swiping back and forth, not really sure what to make of it. Was it a joke? Was she serious? Was she shit faced? And how the fuck did she get my Instagram handle? 

"What the fuck -"

Suddenly something smashed into my right leg, and I heard the bone snap. I screamed as I fell over to my side, my hands flying towards the assaulted leg. FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! 

"FUCK A FUCKING DUCK!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I looked up to see the girl standing over me, a hammer in her hand. She was wearing the shirt I couldn't find. 

"You're not allowed to leave... I didn't think I'd have to resort to this but you backed me into a corner, Benny." She shrugged and picked up a big, fat needle off the coffee table. "Just a little this time. I'd die if we couldn't talk some more."

She dropped down to her knees in one fluid movement and grabbed my arm and shoved the needle into me, pushing the plunger down a little. I was crying like a little bitch, too much pain and confusion bouncing around in my brain to understand what was happening. 

"Relax. Stop your crying. It's not cute." She warned. "Be a good boy, Benny."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

Ben was _such_ great company. 

He slurred a lot, and he begged me to let him go, but only at first. I knew he didn't mean it, he was just worried about work and his mom, but he could learn to do without those silly things. 

Then he just started to beg for alcohol, to which I shrugged. Sure. _That_ I could do, gladly.

I decided to go get some stuff from his apartment to make him more comfortable at mine. I had his keys and phone on me, and I had drugged him nice and good before I left. I didn't think he would leave but... But just in case... 

It never hurt to be too careful. Ben was a really free spirit, which meant he was really unpredictable. Best too keep him weak and only a little fucked up. 

I smiled while I spun his keys around my finger. Just a little... 

I unlocked Ben's door and slipped inside. I fell back against the door and smiled widely as I put my hands to my chest and took a look around. I sighed as I surveyed it all. 

Wow... He had such great taste.... 

I could tell he had money; everything was _expensive._

The furniture was sleek and black, the hardwood floors were deep and rich, even his appliances were shiny and black. He had some abstract art hung up on the walls. I checked his cabinets and even his dishes were pretty, unique. Maybe even custom? I slid my fingers across his granite counters in awe and found a note. 

_Since you won't pay me OR answer my texts, I'm writing this note to tell you I QUIT, ASSHOLE! _

_Fuck you, Kaydel_

Oof. Must be his maid or something... Would explain how nice and clean everything was. 

I wandered around, looking at his DVDs and picking up the soft blanket from his couch and wrapped it around myself as I walked into his bedroom. His bed was _massive_ and of course, had black satin sheets with red pillows. There was a picture of his parents on his nightstand and one of just his mom, as well as a box of tissues and a bottle of lotion. Huh. 

There was another tv mounted on the wall and his laptop at the desk. I opened his drawers and began to pack some clothes and boxers into the backpack I had brought with me. All of the clothes were designer and expensive, so I made sure to fold them as best as I could. 

I opened his closet and found his old football helmet and smiled a little. He'd lived such a cool and interesting life with a loving family and good schools. I'd be lying if I said I weren't a _little_ jealous... My life had been spent in foster homes and juvie once or twice for some fights I had been in that got pretty ugly. I was beyond lucky to snag a scholarship for the college I was attending. I worked hard for it. 

I put on the helmet and wandered back into the living room and sat down on the couch. I turned on his tv and looked through his Netflix 'My List' and decided to watch an episode of OITNB while I snuggled into the blanket. I had time to fuck around since Ben was sleeping but I wished we could have stayed at his place instead... 

His phone was ringing off the hook and I finally decided to check it. It was Hux, _yet again_. Geez, this guy was _so clingy_. How annoying. I sent it voicemail and shot him a text. 

_im with my girlfriend rn dude stop buggin so much_

I turned off his phone after that and went to see what kinds of food he had in the fridge. The smell that hit me was putrid and just plain rotten, and I gagged before slamming it shut. Ew. I opened up the freezer and only found bottles and bottles of booze. I shrugged and picked out a few and brought them to the backpack to stuff into but they didn't fit. 

Damn it. 

I went looking through his bottom cabinets and found some cloth grocery bags and put them in there instead. Hmm... Maybe I should bring some movies, too. We could watch his favorites. Oh! I grabbed his laptop and shoved it into its case. He'd need to do his job too I guess. I turned Ben's phone back on and ordered an Uber on his account since he had so much money when a text popped up on the screen. 

_Hux:_

_girlfriend?? you mean that weird bitch you were out with a few weeks ago? lol yikes dude c l i n g e r_

I narrowed my eyes. 'Weird girl'..? 

I scrolled up the conversation, passed all of Hux's unanswered texts, until I found the conversation between he and Ben, the night of our date. 

_Me:_

_BRUUUH _

_Hux:_

_wut? wifey or nah 👰🤵😂_

_Me:_

_uh no 😖  
she's fine as fuck but she's lowkey kind of weird lol 😵💀_

_Hux:_

_lmaoooo weird how 😂😂_

_Me:_

_she might be a stage 5 clinger bro 👀if I text 🗣️SOS🗣️ you gotta call with a way out like she's hot but she's looking at me like I'm God👀 or some shit like weird weird u feel me 😬😬✋_

_Hux:_

_oh ya I feel you ✋😂 and ya can do good buddy👍 but you might as well get some snapper👅 if she's a snipper bro 👌👈 💦💦_

_Me:_

_lolololol truuuuuuuuuu🔥🔥🔥_

I stared at the texts and my hand began to shake violently. Tears fell down my cheeks and I threw the phone at the couch. I picked up a vase and slammed it down on the hardwood. I stomped passed it, cutting up my bare feet and ripped his paintings off the wall and threw them, too. I was full of white hot rage and embarrassment. 

I hurdled another vase at the tv and it shattered itself and the screen. I cried out in anger and stomped to his room and began to rip apart his pillows with a shard of glass I'd collected off the floor that sliced my hand on my way in. I snatched the picture of his parents and threw it into the mirror in the bathroom, the glass exploding everywhere. 

I fell into a ball and sobbed and sobbed. 

How could he have said those things about me?! I wasn't fucking weird! I wasn't a fucking stage five clinger, either! I bashed my head against the floor but it was protected by his stupid, giant helmet. I don't know how long I stayed there, but the sun was down by the time I finally gathered the strength to stand up. 

I slowly swallowed my sadness and feelings of rejection. He didn't mean it. He was just nervous, blowing off nerves to his friend. He just wanted to seem cool. He didn't mean it. And even if he did... Once we got back to my place, he'd fallen in love with me. Of course he did, I was fucking fantastic. Far cooler than _Ashoka_ or stupid _Gwen_... I was interesting. I was different. That's why he loved me. I wiped my tears and picked the pieces of glass out of my feet. 

I looked around and bit my lip. 

Oh boy... I'd really fucked up his nice apartment... There was dried blood on the floor and glass and feathers everywhere. Oh geez... That was unnecessary. I just... Ugh. I couldn't help myself... Hux was _such_ an asshole. I was glad he wasn't gonna be apart of our lives anymore. He'd made me destroy Ben's nice stuff... 

Asshole...

I slipped on my shoes and checked Ben's phone again. There was at least 4 missed calls from the Uber... Whoops. I went to order another and decided to block Hux's number from his phone, and then blocked him on all social media. 

We didn't need negativity like that in our happy little love nest at home. 

What a toxic, jerk off, douche bag, bitch face. The Uber sent a text that they were outside and I gathered all the things and looked around again before I shut the door. I felt bad, but it was all Hux's stupid fucking fault, anyways. Ben would understand. Maybe I should pick him up dinner on the way home... Oh, I could stop by that ramen place and order out. Ben was gonna be so happy when I got home. 

I wonder if he's awake? 

I should probably get him drunk before I tell him what I - I mean _Hux_ did to his apartment. In a jealous rage. Yeah. Hux must also be in love with him, jealous that we're together. I rolled my eyes. Ew. How pathetic. Grow up. 

I smiled as I ordered myself some stuff off his Amazon. Ben would understand. He was probably gonna thank me for grabbing what I could in that huge disaster that Hux had left behind before I'd gotten there. 

I took some blank receipt paper at the ramen house and scribbled down a very messy and basically unreadable note from Hux, cursing me and Ben. That should tie up all the loose ends. 

Ah, shit. How was I gonna carry all this shit up with me?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about writing a cult story but I haven't finished any of the seven stories I have up right now. 
> 
> What's that? I should write it anyways and prolong ending all my other stories? I like the way you think, reader.

The girl walks in, wearing my old football helmet and struggling with a bunch of bags. She lifts one that's full of food. Smells good... Can't remember the last time I ate...

"I got you some ramen. Are you hungry?"

I shake my head though and go back to biting my cuticles. I'm still in that weird stupor of just waking up from being drugged. She starts talking about all the shit she brought from my apartment, setting down the bags and taking the food into the kitchen. 

I don't care, she's a fucking psycho bitch so stealing shit from my apartment just makes sense for her, I guess. The drugs have worn off mostly though and I'm still stuck to the bed, now by a chain linked to a dog collar. My leg is bent to shit and ugly but the bruising is fading from black to more a more greenish shade. How long have I been here..? 

Then I hear the most beautiful sound in the world: Bottles clicking together. 

I sit up excitedly and smile at her, hoping to charm her into giving me what I want as soon as possible. She grins wildly and hops up and down, and then she jumps on me to try and kiss my face through the helmet. It hurts my fucking leg but I know better than to be upset. 

As far as I know, she doesn't do drugs or drink, so I don't get why she's so retarded and bat shit crazy. I keep the smile tacked on to my face, though, because when she gets mad, she likes to break things. Or punch me in the face - and I'm good on all _that. _

"Did you miss me, Benny?!" She says, doing the gross baby talk shit. 

She mashes my cheeks together painfully with her thin fingers. Her nails are sharp and make my lips purse out like a blowfish. I just nod and she throws her arms into the air yelling, "Yay! I missed you toooo." She runs her nose against mine before she hops off of me to get whatever she had brought home. She's chattering away, but I'm not listening. I'm only interested in finally getting to fucking drink, maybe trying to talk her into taking this dog collar off of me so I could go take a piss. 

_Crazy fucking bitch. _

She takes off the helmet and shows me my movies, my clothes (like she was gonna let me wear any, anyways) and my laptop. I'm probably fired by now, but having a way to maybe get ahold of someone is promising, as long as she isn't breathing down my neck while I'm 'working'... Which is totally unlikely. 

I wonder if my mom had put out a missing persons with the police yet... Shit. How long have I been here? My brain feels so fuzzy and I can't keep track of time because I keep waking up at different times of the night and day. She keeps my phone on her and I have huge gaps missing in my memory bank. I think she goes to school but I can't really remember her ever leaving. It's no surprise that she doesn't have friends come over, either. 

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when she hands me a cup full of ice and whiskey. A devious smile spreads across my face and I quickly take a big gulp of it and cough from the burn down my throat. Whew, that's good shit! I take another drink and cringe when the ice hits my teeth. She's still talking about something but I can't give a shit to pay attention. 

"... And all of your stuff is just _so nice!_ I really liked the painting of that like, space ship of whatever. And your bed sheets were _sooo_ soft and -" I resist rolling my eyes. 

_Blah, blah, fucking blah..._

That good old feeling of a buzz is hitting me, and I toss back the rest of it and hold it out to her for a refill. She stops what she's saying and stares at it blankly, so I rudely wave it around, making the ice clink against the cup. Her blank face turns into a big, dumb grin and she takes it and skips out of the room, talking again but I can't hear her. 

I push back against the pillows, moving gingerly for my leg, and nearly rip the drink out of her hand when she comes back. I take another big gulp and motion to her with my hand to go back. 

"Might as well just bring the bottle in here." I mutter and lick my lips, rolling the drink around and watching the amber liquid spin around in the glass. "I'm gonna get shit faced. Why don't you pick out a movie for us?"

Gods. Anything to shut her the fuck up. 

She claps her hands together and runs out of the room again. I hear her banging around in the kitchen, and I also hear the microwave open and close. She comes back a few minutes later with the bottle and a giant bowl of popcorn. She makes a show of it, dancing and waving the bottle around triumphantly like she's proud of herself. I hate her. She sets it down and dumps all of my DVDs on the bed and sets one hand on her hip, the other curled under her chin while she stares at them. She purses her lips and cocks her head slightly as her browses. 

"What's this one about?" She holds it up. 

I glance at it vaguely and take another big drink. 

"Bank robbers that kill people. It's a Tarantino flick."

She purses her lips and picks up another one. 

"And this one?"

"Taxi driver that kills people."

She frowns and picks up another. 

"What about this one?"

I sigh and scratch my stubbly chin. 

"A Mariachi guy who kills people."

She sighs too and sits down at the foot of the bed. She pouts, crossing her arms and huffs at me impatiently. "Don't you have any movies that aren't about people _killing_ people? Like a romantic comedy? I hate gory movies...."

I finish my second cup, put it on the nightstand, and reach for the bottle and take a swig from it. I shrug. "There's one that's a romantic comedy where they kill people."

She twirls her hair around her finger and peaks up to me, biting her lip. "Which one is that...?"

"Natural Born Killers."

"I guess that will do..." She sighs. "It's funny, right?"

I smile, already feeling good and buzzed. "Yeah, sure. _I_ think it is."

She smiles, too. "Okay. Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Like a fuckin' race horse."

The girl helps me to the bathroom and let's me lean on her while I piss as usual. She's pretty strong. I wonder if she works out after she injects _whatever the fuck_ she does into me. It must be roofies or something. That would explain why I can't remember most things. Not that I have any experience with roofies or anything, giving or taking, but that's what happened to the guys in the Hangover. 

She helps me back to the bed and also helps me put on a new pair of boxers and a sweater, then pulls on another one of mine. Just like a girl, stealing my hoodie. She slips on some leggings and puts everything back into the back pack and puts the movie on, turning off the light. 

She crawls up into bed and sets the popcorn in my lap and snuggles up to my chest, careful not to nudge my mangled fucking leg. She kisses my cheek and settles in, already pretty into the movie. 

I keep drinking, and fuckin' _aye_... How I've missed this... She munches on the popcorn quietly and I realize all of a sudden that I never really got to do this kind of domestic shit with Ashoka or Gwen. They weren't really movie people, and I spent most of my time arguing with them over stupid shit. 

Ashoka was actually a total sweetheart and a total hippie, but she was more into her martial arts and loved training the kids. She actually really loved kids a lot, and always hinted that she wanted to settle down and pop some out. But I wasn't ready for that and she also refused to get kinky so we ended up breaking up. 

Gwen was... A _very_ kinky broad, but it was too much of a contract than it was a relationship. She worked hard at her law firm, and hated my mother, which was obviously a huge turn off for me. Then she went and fucked Hux to try and piss me off, and that was the end of that. Bros before hoes, though. 

This girl was obviously insane and couldn't keep her shit together to save her life, but the times when she was cool and relaxed, I almost sort of liked her. Which was stupid and weird and didn't make any sense... Maybe my brain was trying to help me make the best of a bat shit crazy situation, or maybe I was just bat shit crazy, too. 

I sighed and gulped down some more liquor. Feelings were hard, and thinking was just confusing me even more. I need to get out of here. As soon as my leg is better, I'm punching her in the face and burning this apartment to the ground. 

Suddenly, she gasped and curled up closer to me. It snapped me out of my head and I stared at her for awhile instead of watching the movie. It was kind of cute how she covered her eyes but peaked between her fingers during the violence. It was mostly ironic, because she had no issues beating me up during sex or smashing my leg with a hammer, but couldn't handle the cartoonish violence from the movie. 

She sure was weird, but it was... Endearing? Kind of? Not to mention, she _was_ totally hot and great at domination when she wasn't acting like a little kid. I took another burning gulp and wrapped my arm around her shoulder and smiled, admittedly pretty drunk. I want a cigarette. 

An angry little brunette that's so obsessed with me and wants to spend all of her time with me so much so that she just holds me hostage... It's lowkey kind of sweet. She kisses my chest and smiles up at me, her hand drifting down my stomach and into my boxers. I close my eyes as she wraps her small hand around my cock, and I randomly wonder what her name is for the millionth time. 

It's too late to ask now, though. It'd probably be hella rude, right? 

She strokes my cock up and down, a little flourish of her wrist and spits on it, making me shiver. I'll give it to her... She really knows what she's doing. Her grip is devilishly tight, and I watch through hooded eyes as she leans down to start sucking me off. The flickering lights of the movie make her face morph a little and when she looks up, I swear for a second she looks just like my mom when she used to do this to me in high school. 

I bite my lip and moan a little, having a hard time keeping myself from cumming too fast. It doesn't matter, though, because the girl seems to be on the fast path to wanting me to finish already anyways, demanding that I cum in her mouth. My eyes roll up into the back of my head and I grip the sheets for dear fucking life as I shoot my load into the back of her throat. My dick throbs and I moan, whispering, "Thank you - thank you, Mistress."

The girl swallows all of it and licks her lips sinfully. She crawls up my body and kisses me, sticking her tongue in my mouth and I taste my cum. It's so hot. She pulls back and yanks my hair suddenly, forcing my face closer to hers. Her eyes search mine for a moment. 

"I love you, Ben." And she pushes me back against the wall and cuddles me again like nothing even happened. 

I run my hands through my hair and try to catch my breath. Holy _fuck..._ I stare at her for a long time, warm and drunk, and swish my thoughts around in my head. 

Maybe this isn't so bad after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter @envious_hera 🖤


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to answer any questions to how long he's been with Rey, it's been well over four months. 
> 
> Also hey guys long time no seeeeeee
> 
> How about that new fucking trailer, huh?! 
> 
> Sweet, sweet Bendemption. 🖤

Time drags on and I do nothing but get shitfaced and watch movies. 

I have no idea how long I've been here, but I finally found out her name after she left some mail on the bed. It's Rey Andor, apparently. But isn't Rey a dude's name..? Meh. It's kind of pretty, I guess. Suits her. 

Rey comes home from work at the laundry mat after sunset and yawns before falling face first on to the bed. She doesn't drug me as much anymore but I think it's more because she's running low, rather than she doesn't want to. She's told me plenty times before that she likes when I'm all fucked up. 

Everyone has their kinks, I guess. I try not to judge. 

We don't have sex as much, either. She isn't as excited to see me or as touchy. Is she sad? Fuck, I hope she isn't sad...

I'm lowkey afraid she might be getting bored of me, and I'm not sure why that bothers me so much. That might mean I can leave whenever I want. I've kind of been able to for a while now, but I don't want to... Also, who the fuck is _she_ to get bored of _me_? I'm Ben fucking Solo: Lady Killer, like my father before me. I'm a great catch - cool, funny, smart, extremely good looking, kind of rich... I even have a big dick, damn it. 

Why does she seem so distant now? 

I reach out to stroke her long leg and she casually shifts away from me and I try my hardest to ignore it but like, what the fuck? 

"What's wrong?" I ask timidly. I hate how hurt and insecure I sound. 

_Pussy whipped little bitch._

Rey just sighs and closes her eyes while she stretches her arms above her head. She doesn't answer me for a while so I chew on the skin around my nails and just silently wait. I don't want to piss her off and get clocked in the face again. Last time she hit me, she broke my nose, and two black bruises puffed up under my eyes and my nose gushed blood like a waterfall. 

It was _messy. _

She cried like she always did and swore it wouldn't happen again, pleading for me to forgive her. I did, as per usual. I knew she had some psychological issues she was working through and I was dying to know what her childhood was like, what or who had made her this way... I also just hated seeing her upset. 

I don't know what kind of magic spell she had me under, but it was changing me, inside and out. Maybe I _was_ just pussy whipped. Maybe I was falling in love with her. I stared at her face, helplessly, and bit into the flesh around my fingers so hard it started to bleed a little. 

Maybe I had Stockholm Syndrome...

Whatever it was, it had me too afraid to leave. My leg had healed kind of. Not really. The bruises were gone, but it hadn't healed _right_ so I was hopping around her tiny apartment like a hobbled giant. I hadn't been outside since I'd gotten here and I was so pale and weak. Even the idea of going outside made me too anxious, afraid of seeing people again... 

I think I might have forgotten how to talk to people. They wouldn't understand me. I probably spoke a different language now and the idea of anyone touching me but Rey made my skin crawl. I couldn't leave this place... Ever. This was my home now. She was my home. 

I took in a big, shaking breath and pinched the bridge of my nose lightly. It still hurt to touch but I welcomed the pain. Pain or pleasure. Anything but nothing. 

_Gods, please don't let her get bored of me..._

Finally, Rey opened her eyes and rolled over to look at me and smiled slightly, which made me smile, too. If she's happy, then I'm fucking happy. 

"You know what we should do? We should go out, see a movie or something. Grab dinner... Whatever. I'm so tired of staying in every night."

My stomach dropped. She must be able to read my mind and just wants to fuck with me. My smile faded and I just stared at her. Why does she want to torture me? 

"I.. If that... If that's what you want?" My voice broke a little. 

Rey's smile grew wider and she scratches my scalp behind my ear. "You're such a good boy." She says with her lips pursed, using that baby talk shit, like I'm a dog. 

Maybe I am. 

••••••••

It's not _as_ scary outside as I thought. 

The sky is dark, and I can see a few stars poking through the heavy smog above the high buildings. Rey holds my hand and I lean into the crutch she gave me from her closet. You can tell my leg is bent to shit through my skinny black jeans if I stand up straight, so I don't. 

I can't believe I'm probably a permanently crippled gimp. Shit. I puff away on my cigarette while Rey puts our name down for a table at some trendy fusion bistro. I got kind of drunk before we left so I wouldn't feel so awkward but it's hard to lean on the crutch when I'm wobbly. 

I missed the city. No matter how annoying and pretentious the people are that reside in it might be, there's still plenty of weirdos to watch walk down the sidewalk. Especially the homeless people screaming at strangers or streetlight posts. I chuckle while I watch one in particular, some drunk with a sleeping bag on top of his back pack that's yelling at cars. 

Rey pops up next to me. "Our table is almost ready, they're just cleaning it up." She follows my eyes and crosses her arms. "What's so funny?"

I nod towards him and let the cigarette hang off my lips while I talk. "That drunk bum is yelling at cars, the crazy fuck. There really is a homeless problem in LA and they need to do something about it."

"Oh? Like what? Where are they supposed to go?" Rey's voice is tight and annoyed and I look down, nervous she's going to flip out. Still, I answer the best I can. 

"Uhh..." I take another hit of the cigarette to buy some time on what to say. "A homeless shelter?" I shrug. 

Rey scoffs. "_A homeless shelter?_" She hisses. Uh oh. "They don't take most homeless people, and sleeping in one is just as dangerous as sleeping on the street. Does his presence _bother_ you?"

Oh boy. She's pissed. 

"Well, no, not personally... But he's clearly crazy and yelling at cars. He's scaring people. And he probably smells." I crinkle my nose at the thought of stale piss and armpit sweat. 

"Oh. Okay. Did you ever fucking wonder what made him homeless? What he has to _deal with_ because he's _homeless_ and people won't even look him in the eye because he's _homeless?_ Do you have any idea how _dehumanizing_ that feels? And yeah, he probably smells because he doesn't have anywhere to _bathe_ but public bathroom sinks and most places won't even give him the _code to the bathroom_because he's fucking _homeless!_" She's seething and yelling, angry tears spilling down her cheeks. She wipes them away furiously. I gulp and brace for impact. 

"You have no idea how _shitty_ life is for them, what circumstances brought them there, or what living out in the harsh elements can do to a person, you fucking _asshole!_" She shouts and stomps her foot. 

People are staring and I'm just standing there like a total fucking idiot, mouth hanging open. I'd never seen her get so passionate about something before. Holy shit. 

"I - I'm sorry! I didn't realize it was gonna -"

Rey suddenly shoves me - _hard_ \- and I fall over and hit the dirty concrete _hard_, no way to catch myself. The fall causes me to rip the elbows of my sweater and I feel blood trickling out of the wounds. Fuck. 

"Ow..."

She sniffles and tightens her top knot bun. "Think before you talk shit, Ben. Now pick yourself up. Our table should be ready now." She spits on the ground next to me and stalks off towards the entrance, leaving me tangled up in my crutch. 

Some guy comes and helps me up carefully as soon as she's out of sight, dusting off my shirt. "You good, man? She's kind of a little bitch, huh?" He says while he hands me my crutch off the dirty sidewalk. 

"No, man, that was my bad." I mutter, looking at the ground. "I really struck a bad chord there. Thanks, though, man. Good lookin' out." I clapped his hand into a handshake and limped off with my head down and cheeks ablaze, totally embarrassed. 

I was right. Outside is a fucking nightmare, and I don't speak the right language with _anyone._ Especially Rey. 

I'm never going outside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like someone is in love. 🤔 I mean Stockholm Syndrome... Extending chapter count for an extra chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

After we got home, Ben limped to the bed where he usually spent all his time and I decided to hang back and sit on my couch instead with my arms crossed and bounced my leg in agitation. He really pissed me off tonight and I needed to find a way to blow off some steam. Hmm...

Back to Tinder it is, I guess. 

I ripped off my shirt and took some super thotty pics in my bra, pushing my small tits together and uploaded them. I didn't even bother with an About Me. I just wanted someone to make Ben jealous. I wanted to hurt _his_ feelings like he hurt _mine_ about the homeless guy. 

_Prick. _

It didn't take long to get some superlikes and matches. I know... I'm hella cute. I smirked while I quickly weeded through all the losers and lame bitches. I decided on some cute blonde girl, Kaydel. Stupid name, but whatever. I skipped the bullshit introductions and shot her my address. I hopped off the couch and went take one of the bottles of wine out of the fridge Ben had me get for him. Lush. I coughed and wiped my mouth, looking at the label. Geez...

It tasted gross but I hadn't been drunk in _forever_ and I was mad so I wanted drink all his wine and fuck this girl in front of him. I threw back a few huge gulps and my face contorted. God this stuff is dry and nasty... How could he drink this trash? I get a text saying she's a few minutes away. Oh. Cool. I wonder what Ben is doing. 

I push open the bedroom door with my foot and find him all curled up and hidden under the sheets. He was pouting because he pissed me off. He did this _everytime_. I stood there and stared at him for a minute or two before there was a knock on the door. Ben popped his head from under the covers with owl eyes. 

"Who is that? It's late..." He murmured, sounding scared. What a pussy. 

"Oh, so sorry _grandma_." I sneered and rolled my eyes. God he was irritating. Whatever. It was _MY_ fuckin' apartment. I chugged more from the bottle before I turned and walked away. I made a mocking face. _'It's late'..._ Fuck off. 

I fixed my hair and eyeliner before I opened the door. She was definitely cuter in person than in her pictures. Cool. I grabbed her hand and tugged her in with a spin. I leaned back against the door as I locked the deadbolt and smiled. My cheeks were all warm and my head felt dizzy. I hadn't been drunk in months and I felt so... _Frisky..._ Mm. 

We didn't even exchange any words before she was kissing me, pushing me up against the door. Her hands were all over me, groping and grabbing at anything she could touch and then she was trying to unhook my bra, even though it hooked in the front. Idiot. 

Whatever. I felt nothing, especially when she jammed her tongue into my mouth and I noticed her mouth tasted like straight vodka. Ew. My head pushes back in disgust. I don't think I'm feeling this idea anymore... I was just about to push her off when I heard my big, grumpy Ben.

"What the _fuck_ is this?!" Ben shouted, making both of us snap our heads towards him. Kady or whatever even flinched away from him in fear. Like Ben could ever hurt anyone. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Get real, bitch. He was limping as fast as he can towards us with a furious look on his face, but he stubbed his toe into one of the dining room chair legs and fell down, hard. Oof. I bit my lip and my stomach twisted in a weird, guilty rope. His head snapped up with a bright red face and I could tell he was totally embarrassed. Oh shit, he looked like he might even _cry..._

Oh. Oh no... My poor baby boy! I reached out towards him and I think _I_ might even cry. 

I start to push this dumb bitch off me so I can go help him up and take him to bed but then she was laughing at him. I slowly turned my head to glare at her. This dumb whore was _laughing?_ At _MY_ Benny? Oh _hell_ no. My fists clenched before I could really even rationalize with myself to just tell her to leave.

No. No, no. Instead, I socked her right in the mouth and she staggered back and fell on her ass. Blood leaked down the cut on her bottom lip and she looked up at me like _I_ was the asshole who just laughed at a _crippled_ guy falling. I grit my teeth. 

I was shaking. I was so mad that I just started kicking her, not really aiming, but landing every kick in her stomach and chest. I ran out of breath pretty quickly though and she was crying while Ben just watched in silence a few feet away, his mouth hung open in a big O. 

_"Get the fuck out!"_ I snarled while I stalked away from her to Ben.

"You're fucking _crazy!_ You can't just go around assaulting people, you bitch! What the hell is your problem?!" She was blubbering like a big baby and scrambling to get up and struggled to unlock the deadbolt and chain. She finally left, slamming my door like she paid bills around here. Dumb cunt. I should have chased her down and really kicked her ass but Ben needed me. My lips fell into a pout. My poor clumsy baby.

I kneeled down and tried helping him up, kissing his hand all over in apology. I've never apologized to anyone before, but he was my baby boy. 

"I'm so sorry, Benny. Are you okay? Can you get up?" I mumbled before I just heaved him up myself. He was so heavy but that's because he was all bulky. All muscle. All man. So fucking hot. How could I forget I had this Adonis in my apartment? I bit my lip and ran my fingers down his abdomen, under his shirt. 

He shivered but then ripped my hand off and hopped away from me, towards the bedroom. I grinned deviously and followed, glad we were on the same page. I was horny enough to burst into a freakin' supernova and I wanted to _play. _

I took off my bra at the doorway and leaned against the wall, watching him. "Get naked and lay on the bed. I'm gonna fuck your fucking brains the fuck out."

Ben sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor, unmoving. 

I snorted as I pushed myself off the door frame and walked up to him, waving my hand in front of his face. "Uhhh, hey? I just told you to do something. Do it."

"Who was that." He mumbled. 

I arched an eyebrow. "Who? That girl?" I waved my hand off, ridding her bullshit aura from the apartment impatiently. "She was just a friend. Who cares? Now take your fucking pants off."

"Friends don't kiss each other like that." His voice was monotone but his face was all angry. I didn't get it. Why wasn't he listening? 

I snapped my fingers and pointed at his pants, ignoring him, but he still didn't move. Oh, okay. He was gonna play hard to get? I knew what I needed to do. 

"I'm leaving." 

I stopped, my skin feeling like he just dumped ice on me. "...Excuse me?" I slowly turned to face him. "What did you just say?" I growled, daring him to say it again. 

"I said I'm _leaving._ I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here if you don't love me. If you're not gonna take me seriously. You're just gonna try and fuck some random bitch I've never even seen before and act like everything is okay? What the hell is _wrong_ with you? Why do you even keep me here if you don't want me?!" He yelled, tears spilling down his red cheeks. "Are you even listening to me, Rey? Rey!" 

Ben stood up then and tried to grab my wrist but I twisted out of it expertly. Years of self defense had shown me exactly how to take down someone Ben's size, and I flipped him over my shoulder like a goose feather pillow, dropping him to the floor on his back. I didn't even think about it, just moved on instinct. He may be made of muscle, but I was faster. 

I crouched down by his head, and he was breathing like he was scared. Good. _He should be._ I wasn't a woman to be _fucked with_ anymore. He should have known that by now.

"You're not going fucking _anywhere_. You _live_ here. With _me._" I hissed. "God! You're so dramatic!" I huffed as I straightened back up and stomped my foot by his head, making him flinch. 

I walked away from him to my dresser drawer, muttering to myself. I dug around all the junk and condoms and knives and handcuffs and letters until I found the somewhat empty vile of Ropholyn. I poked the needle in, drawing up the clear liquid to the half way point. A little more than I'd ever given him before but he'd forget all about tonight and be happy when he woke up tomorrow night. 

I smiled softly and admired it in the light of my lamp. "Forget it now, forgive it later." I mumbled to myself with a shrug. 

Ben made no attempt to move as I leaned down and flicked the needle, squirting a little bit out. He even clenched his fist to help a vein pop out for me. His lips were mashed into a hard line and he was glaring at the ceiling, but at least he was being a good boy. 

I tossed the needle aside when I was done and started to unzip and unbutton his pants. I kissed his lips, trailing down his neck and his bare chest. I ran my tongue in a circle around his nipple and he shivered again. 

I looked up to find him watching me, his eyes hung low. God, he was so hot. I smiled sweetly, blowing some cool air onto it to make it stiffen some more. 

"I love you, Benny - and you're not going... _anywhere."_

I bit his nipple _hard_ and he sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes with his teen gnashed together, trying to be quiet. He was already kind of fucked up, and I got that old sick rush of excitement. 

He can't do anything now but behave. Especially not leave me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

"What should we watch next? Oh!!! I think they have the American Tail movies on here!" Rey squeals in excitement and kisses me all over my face. 

I lost all my limping around privileges after the other night with the blonde slut. Now I'm chained back up to the bed again, and Rey is back to how she was before the weird lull. Fuck. How long has it been now? Rey hasn't been to work in a long time... I'm pretty sure she's been fired by now. Hopefully someone will come and evict us soon and call the police for me. 

If anyone would actually believe I was being held hostage here by a girl half my size... But I can't dwell on what ifs. I don't have any hope left. Hope is paralyzing anyways. All I have to look forward to is drug induced sleep. 

God, kill me. 

Rey grins above my face, only about an inch away. Her eyes sparkle in the dim lighting and she honestly looks terrifying. Like vampire or something. 

"I wuv yew, Benny. Widdle Benny boyyy." 

She mashes my cheeks together too hard and I flinch in pain but mumble out, "I love you, too." 

"Wuuuuv yeewwww." She giggles and slaps my face. 

Ow. I hate that baby talk shit. 

I don't think I mean it anymore, that I love her. I think I actually miss her not caring about me because this is scary. Her emotions explode without warning again and I try my best to keep up with her batshit insane ramblings and squeals. I just don't want her to hit me anymore. 

Fuck. I miss my old life, miss my friends, miss my job, my apartment. I even miss my mom. I would rather share a bed with my mom again than deal with this Misery-type shit. At least mom was soft and gentle with me when she sucked me off. Well... Usually. Now I'm just a fuck toy to a deranged collage girl who calls me what mommy called me. I mean mom. 

I glared at the ceiling. What great luck I have with women. Paint the walls with my brains. 

"I'm gonna get some water, Benny." Rey says as she climbs over me, kneeing me in the stomach. I groan and she laughs. "Do you want anything? Maybe a refill?" She calls from the kitchen. 

"Yeah." I call back absentmindedly. The drunker I am, the less I care. I'd honestly butt-chug vodka at this point if it means I'll stop feeling anything ever again.

I'm just so... Tired. 

"Do you want anything else, baby?"

I close my eyes and mutter to myself, barely audible. "I want to go home." 

Fuck. Do I even have a home now, or is this what I have to deal with for the rest of my life? I lowkey hope she just accidentally overdoses me with the roofies and I just die. Or I get alcohol poisoning. Anything. I just need an opportunity to get out of here. Any reason to be unchained and -

My heart lurches. Oh. My. _Gods._

I'm such a _fucking idiot!_ I've had my chance plenty of times now to escape, but I was too drugged up to seize it. But now... 

Rey comes back into the room, holding our drinks in one hand, her evil spider fingers splayed out in a claw. 

"Actually, I _ really_ gotta use the bathroom. Can you let me up? Please?" I'm trying to make sure I don't sound too excited. Gotta be cool. I don't want her to suspect anything. 

Rey sets down the glasses on the bedside night stand and nods. "Yeah. Guess it's been awhile since I let you get up." She laughs like it's funny. Like anything about this could be considered fucking _funny. _

But I keep my eyes forward, going for the 'disinterested' look but my heart is banging against my chest so hard I'm surprised she doesn't see it. Then again, she's kind of an idiot and doesn't notice much of anything. 

Rey leans across my torso once my right hand is free and I flex my fingers and roll my wrist. I grimace in pain at how sore and bruised it is but it's okay. _Hold onto the pain, remember what she did._ I chant it over and over in my head while she takes her sweet ass time untying my left hand. 

I'm watching her now, anxiety creeping in my veins. If I fuck this up, she'll probably break my other knee cap in and seriously cripple me forever - I could end up in a wheelchair if I fuck this up. I need to keep my head on straight, be fast and get the _fuuuuck_ out of this prison cell. Get the fuck away from this crazy warden. 

I bite my lip and I feel a bead of sweat drip down past my nose. Almost... Almost... 

The rope finally falls from my wrist and I rub it, grimacing harder at the touch. Fucking bitch. After this, no more kinky scenes for me. No more women in general. A life of celibacy and no more drugs, no more booze. _Lots_ of therapy. Rey climbs off of me and stands to help me up, that creepy fucking smile stuck to her face. I smile back. "Thank you." I mumble. I take her hand. Stand up. I tower over her and I remind myself: _I'm bigger. Smarter. Faster. Stronger. Don't bitch out, Ben. Do it. _

_Do it now!_

I grip both her wrists as hard as I can, and before she has time to finish asking me what I'm doing, I lean my head back as far as I can and bash my forehead into her face and I not only _feel_ it, but also _hear_ it - a loud:

**CRRRK**

"Ow, _fuck!_" I yell. Why doesn't it ever hurt the people in the movies when they headbutt someone?! SHIT. 

Rey cries out and I let go of her wrists, and she grabs her face as she topples backwards and hits the floor like a pile of bricks. I throw my hands in the air, incredulous. Holy shit?! Holy shit!!! 

Yes! Yes! 

Adrenaline courses thickly through my blood now and I feel triumphant. I'm a majestic lion, _bitch._ Not a man to be fucked with. Not anymore! 

Rey cries and holds her face and her nose is gushing blood all over the carpet. I think I broke her nose... Good. But this isn't enough. 

I'm not done yet. 

I grab her by the hair and drag her up onto the bed and start to tie her wrist up in the shitty, rough rope. She starts screaming and thrashing around and kicks at me at few times. Doesn't matter. I hardly feel anything, thanks to the adrenaline. I reel back and punch her in the nose again. Another sickening **crunch** echoes in my head. 

Yuuup. Definitely broke it. I can't keep the grin off my face. 

Her tears mix in with the fresher torrent of blood spilling out of her nose and she sobs and sobs while screeching like a banshee at me. 

"What the _FUCK_ are you _DOING?!_ What is _WRONG_ with you?! Why would you _HURT ME_, BEN?! BEN! _BENNNN!!!_"

I've never seen her so angry... And that's really saying something.

I ignore her and struggle to grab her other hand. After a while I finally get a hold of it and climb on the bed, shoving my knee roughly into her chest to keep her still. She growls like a tiger but I'm almost done. I tie it off as tight as I can and stumble back to take it all in, ignoring the pain my mangled leg. 

Rey pulls and pulls against the restraints, but it doesn't make any difference. She's trapped. Stuck. Tied to the bed and totally at my mercy. I pant wildly and run my hands through my hair, eventually gripping at the roots and stare in awe. I did it. I actually _did it_. 

_I'm free - I won._ But I have to gloat, have to scare her. A million ideas flash before my eyes, all sinister and evil, totally out of character for me, but absolutely justified.

"I should hurt you. I should fucking _kill_ you. Stab you. Choke you... I should - should -" I can't stop gasping for air. I'm beside myself with pride and anger. A weird combination. "I should fucking _rape_ you..." I whisper, and Rey's eyes go wide, freezing. She's scared. 

She should be.

"...But I can't. I can't do any of that. I'm not a monster. Like _you._ You're a fucking _monster_. You hear me, you crazy BITCH?! You're a MONSTER!" I spit in her face and her fear switches into rage in a millisecond. She doubles her efforts in pulling on the ropes, kicking her feet around. I take a big step back, afraid all over again on what will happen if she gets out. 

_"I'm NOT a fucking MONSTER! I LOVE YOU! I'M NOT CRAZY!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS SAY THAT?! I'M NOT FU -"_

I cut her off then, jamming a sock I find on the foot of the bed into her mouth. I've heard enough. There's no reasoning with her. You can't reason with crazy. I know that now. 

Rey glares daggers at me while I walk around the bed and dig through the drawer. I pull out the needle and mimic the actions she always did, and for once I'm glad she's stupid enough to have restocked on the roofies. I don't know how much is too much, but I fill it up with whatever can fit in the syringe. 

I turn and purse my lips, studying it. "What do you think? You're the expert psycho roofie druger, right? Too much? Not enough? Meh... Doesn't matter I guess." I grin and shrug, shaking. 

I flick the needle and watch some of it spray out the needle tip. I grin at her while she shakes her head frantically and flinches away from me. But she's got nowhere to go. I smack at the inside of her elbow, and a vein pops out just for me. How helpful. 

"Man..." I laugh breathlessly. "Karma is such a bitch." I say, jabbing it roughly into her skin. I empty it all into her and toss the stupid fucking thing aside. I don't know how I'm ever gonna get a flu shot again without having a heart attack. 

I lean down, an inch from her gory face to whisper, "Just like you."

Rey tries to spit the sock out from her mouth but she's too busy screaming muffled screams into it. Good. I'm done hearing her voice for the rest of my fucking life. I limp away, turning back only for a final look. She's crying hysterically, and I oddly do feel kind of bad. Maybe it's wrong to leave her like this. Maybe I should just call the cops... 

I snort and roll my eyes. Yeah, _sure_... And maybe I'm gonna actually quit drinking after this. 

"Sweet dreams, you fucking _psycho._" I spit, flicking off the bedroom light and shutting the door behind me. 

I close my eyes as I stop at the front door, my hand shaking as I reach for the door knob. The outside world is a scary place to me now, but nothing could compare to the scary fucking world I'm leaving behind... 

"It's gonna be okay." I sigh, filled to the brim with happiness, pushing down any guilt or sadness. Man up. It's what she deserves. 

I turn the knob, and take a deep breath of fresh, nontoxic air. My first limp as a free man and I don't even know where I'm going. 

But anywhere is better than here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the epilogueeeeee almost finished!!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

"Ben? Are you fucking listening to me or what?" Hux asked, annoyed. 

Shit. 

I snapped out of my daze, trying to focus back on Hux. I blank out a lot now. I honestly don't mean to but I can't help it. I think it's from all the drugs I had pumped into me against my will. Whoops. 

"Yeah, dude." I say quickly, a lie at first, but then decide to not be a dick. "Actually, no, sorry... What'd you say?"

I'm doing better now, though. 

"Forget it, man. Wasn't important." Hux sighs and rolls his eyes. He goes back to playing COD while I chew on my lip and try to punch down my guilt. He's been super patient with me since I showed up on his door step almost five months ago, no shirt or shoes. It's nice to be able to keep track of time now. 

When I showed at his apartment, Hux actually _cried_ when he saw me. Broke down into tears and yanked me towards him, into a giant bear hug. I felt too awkward to hug him back so I just stood there, staring at the wall. Everyone figured I'd just fallen off the face of the planet. No one except Hux bothered to call the cops, and they didn't take him seriously. 

I still can't believe I got away... 

My apartment had been sold after I'd disappeared, apparently having been thrashed while I was gone. Probably dumb ass Kaydel. If I knew what she looked like, I'd punch her in the face. So unprofessional. My bank had closed sometime while I was gone after 'suspicious activity' but my uncle was arguing my case in court for me, on account of me being held hostage for nearly _seven fucking months_... My work did actually offer me my job back, though, because I was damned good at it but I was quite ready to go back. Not yet. I could barely answer my mom's texts. 

I quit drinking all together, hoping that would appease whatever higher power that let me get away. Now I see a psychiatrist once a week and physical therapy twice a week. My leg is... Healing, albeit pretty slowly. Just like me. I also have to take a multitude of different prescription drugs to fuck around with, so that's a nice perk. 

The Prazosin gives me a headache, but the Zoloft gives me a weird amount of energy, so at least the apartment is usually tidy when I actually take it and Morphine for when my leg really bothers me. There's a bunch of other ones I can't ever remember the names of and an emergency stash of Holdol in the kitchen for when I really flip my shit, but I've been doing good the last three days. A new record. 

Klonopin is my favorite, though - close enough to the Rhophyln that it's easy to go about my day hiding in Hux's apartment, wrapped in a blanket and eating chips. Easier to nap a lot, too. 

Fucking love my klonopin, morphine and Xanax.

_Pop, pop, pop..._

It's so easy to just be wasted on doctor issued meds and pretend that none of that ever happened. Hell, her face now would be almost impossible to pick out of a line up - not that I'd ever tell the police exactly _who_ had me locked away. It was embarrassing enough that I had to tell them it was a woman, but I'd die of shame if they saw how small she'd been. 

I still wonder if I killed her that night. 

But that's just yet another thing I didn't tell the cops. 

•••

"Ben - Ben, you can't smoke in here."

A snapping of someone's fingers snaps me out of my haze. God damn it. I zoned out again. I blink a few times and shake my head, trying to unscramble my stupid brain. 

Fuck. 

"Oh. Sorry, sorry. My bad. Sorry. Shit. I'm so sorry."

I snuff out my cigarette on the table like an asshole and clasp the half smoked cigarette in my now tightly closed fist, holding it like the Statue of Liberty's torch. 

"Sorry. I forgot."

Dr. Maz smiles and shrugs, leaning back into her giant, plush orange chair. "It's okay, Ben. Definitely doesn't warrant five sorrys, kiddo." She raises an eyebrow and I blush. 

I scratch the back of my head with my knuckles, using the hand with the now squished cigarette awkwardly. "Yeah, you're right." I laugh awkwardly. "Sorry. Fuck. Sorry." 

I struggle to find a new way to say it, but I can't; I'm just a sorry bastard now. I shrug weakly. I don't know what to say anymore. I just wanna get back to the apartment and eat cheese and cherries and take a nap. 

Maz shakes her head softly and crosses her super short legs. "Kid - _enough_ with the _sorrys_ already - I'm not mad. Even though it does stink." 

She makes a funny face while she waves around her tiny hand and then pushes up her giant, coke bottle glasses. They make her eyes look weirdly huge. Shouldn't they be smaller? I don't know. 

"I'm sorr -" I start to say, feeling uncomfortable and horribly guilty again, but Maz gives me _the look_. I shut my mouth and try to readjust on the couch, smoothing it out. Distract, distract, distract. I worry my constantly raw lip and bounce my good leg. Forgot to the do my stretches today. Whoops. I drum my hands on my knees and stare at her. I don't know what she wants me to do. 

Maz watches me for a minute before her eyes narrow, just a little, on my bouncing leg. I slow it down. Apparently it annoys everyone. Can't help it though: nervous habit. Not to mention I _hate_ doctors. But Maz is alright. She usually don't force me to yack about shit I don't want to yack about so -

"Okay, kiddo. I know you don't want to talk about it, but it's been nearly four months now and I think it's time we discussed it."

I freeze, and my heart slams against my chest even though I took two bars of Xanax just so I wouldn't feel like this. Fuck. I don't wanna talk about _Her._ I can't. She can't make me. I'll jump out the fucking window and make myself a big, pretty paint smear on the pavement, 2 stories below. It's not probably not high enough to do any _real_ damage but -

"Shh, shh. Relax. Not _Her_, Ben. No. I think it's actually time we talk about your mother." Maz raises an eyebrow at me and I instantly calm down. 

Oh. Okay. That's fine. 

"Oh. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. What about her, though?" I lay back on to the couch and rest my hands on my stomach. Comfy couch. Maybe I can just take a nap... 

"Well... I have some notes typed here and I was just wondering what your ch -"

"My childhood was like?" I scoff and glance at her. "How cliche, doc."

Maz has her lips set in a thin line. "Would you prefer for me to be more direct?"

I cross my arms behind my head with a smirk. I know where this is going. I don't care. I've got nothing to hide. "Always, Maz."

"Okay. So when did your mother start molesting you?"

I blanch. Whoa - too direct! My eyes widen and my hands clench into fists again. They're sweating. 

"Uhhh... I wouldn't call it _that_... Jesus Christ, Maz..." I mumble and rub my reddened face with my knuckles, totally embarrassed. 

"Hmm. And what would you call it?"

I shake my head, trying to think, panicking. "I don't - I don't know...?" I lick my lips, trying not to conjure up any mental pictures. "She just said it was good for me. It was supposed to help me so I didn't get prostate cancer... She was just really worried about that. She said I needed to cum at least twice a day after puberty so I didn't... Didn't get sick. And... die..."

The words died on my tongue and sounded so sick now that I was saying them out loud... Fuck. Oh no. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and tried to use the redirection exercise she showed me when I got anxious. I glanced around quickly, counting, as I rubbed my thumbs together. 

Four... No, seven. Seven blue things... Three very soft things.... Eight white things... Nine green things.... Two... smell good candles... Uh... 

Maz typed away on her tablet while I counted and tried to center myself. This wasn't what I thought I was gonna be dealing with today. Figured it was just gonna be another mindless thing to pass the time. Not talking about my mother sucking my dick. 

I covered my face with my hands and tried not to cry. I felt sick to my stomach, and that old, disgusting feeling of being used crept up the back of my neck, spider like tendrils stabbing into my flesh and making me shiver. _Oh my Gods... What the fuck, Mommy. No - mom. Mom. _

When Maz finally stopped typing, she cleared her throat and I turned quickly to face her, nearly snapping my neck with the effort. She was holding out a box of tissues for me and smiling softly. I didn't even realize I was crying. 

"Sorry. Sorry." I mumbled and snatched a few out to wipe my nose. 

Maz clicked her tongue. "Enough with the sorrys, Ben. Seriously. You're in a psychiatrist's office - you're allowed to cry, kiddo." She said softly. 

I laughed bitterly, throat tight. "Yeah. Guess so, huh? I - I think we need to cut this short; think I've had enough breakthroughs until my next fucking life time..." I grumbled as I sat up and dropped my cigarette. I leaned down to grab it too fast and got light headed for second. I had to sit back down to put my head in my heads and take a few deep breaths.

"You okay..?" Maz asked, about to get up. I held up my hand and she paused. 

"Yeah. Sorry. Stupid Prazosin... I'm okay. Thanks." I said, waving her off jerkily. Her head was tilted slightly as she looked me up and down and I weirdly wondered how hot she must have been back in her younger days. The stone age.

I cracked a grin, something I hadn't done in a long time. I finally got up and limped passed her. 

"I'll catch you next Tuesday, as per usual?" I turned to glance at her as I opened the door. I forced a polite smile. 

"As per usual, Benny." Maz nodded once and smiled. 

_"My sweet, widdle Benny Boyyyy!"_ Her voice echoed around in my head, chaotically bounced off the walls and breaking shit like she used to. The phrase was faux sweetness - an apple dipped in poison caramel. 

Oh. Oh no. No, no. Nooo, no, no, no, no. 

I broke out in a cold sweat and staggered as fast as I could to limp out of there. My pulse pounded in my throat and I kept trying to swallow down the mix of saliva and bile that threatened to projectile out of me like a volcano. I smashed the elevator button several times, breathing loudly. 

_Don't flip out now. Just get to the car. The car. The car. The car._

The doors opened before I starting punching them into oblivion. 

My hands were shaking crazily when I stumbled up to Hux's car, ripping the door open and dumping my panicked, pain laced body inside. I covered my face and struggled to breathe. I was going to flip out. I was gonna be sick. I wanted to scream.

"Oh. Hey, dude, you good?" He set down his book and checked his phone. "You weren't supposed to be out for like, 40 more minutes? Are you -"

"Fuck. _Fuck!_" I cut him off, yelling and thrashing. I pinched the dashboard several times, surprised the air bag didn't blow me out of the car into another dimension. I wish it would have snapped my head off my neck. End this pain. It's too much. I can't. I can't. 

"Hey, hey! It's okay, it's okay! What happened? Let's ju-"

Hux reached out to touch me and I roared, _"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"_ I roughly smacked his hand away, curling into a ball in the front seat. I rocked back and forth, sobbing while I bashed my head into my knees. 

"I need to go back. I need to go back. Take me back. I need to see Rey. I miss Rey. Take me to Rey. I need her. I need her. I need her..." I chanted over and over again, holding myself tightly. I need her arms around me, I need to feel her touch. 

I was lying to myself when I said I was getting better. I shouldn't have left. I couldn't survive without Rey. I didn't exist without her. I was such a fucking moron. Idiot. Fucking idiot. I had to go back. 

I had to. 

"I need her. I need her. I need Rey. Rey. Rey..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sub drop? Uhhhhh kinda  
Also lol I lied this isn't the epilogue sksksk


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV 
> 
> TW mentions of suicide consideration but everything is 🤙🏼

I missed Ben... But he left me behind. 

I couldn't accept it at first. I thought maybe it was just a game he was playing and he was going to come back any minute. Luckily, he wasn't a boy scout and I slipped out of the ropes easily, but I waited for three days before I did. 

_Three very long fucking days._

But he never came back. 

It'd been nearly two months of horrible depression before I finally clawed my way out of my apartment to get tampons. All my attempts at trying to get pregnant hadn't worked. Another burn to add to the third degree burns that felt like covered my entire body, my heart... 

He left me behind... _To die_.

I was in so much pain but I was also so fucking empty without coming home to Ben, tied up in my bed. I lost 16 pounds from not being able to stomach food and my hair was falling out. I hated my reflection and one day, after feeling nothing but emptiness for months... 

I finally _snapped._

In my almost forgotten rage, I broke all of my mirrors and shattered any thing made of glass. It was weak, easy to break, and cathartic to hear it shatter against the hard wood. But clumsy me... I cut my foot at some point and fell to the glass shard littered floor, crying.

"Fuck!" I hissed, pulling it out, blood gushing everywhere. Looked like a murder scene and the pain ripped me open. 

I cried so hard it made me sick, and I threw up. My stomach clenched and burned and my head pounded so I began to knock it into the ground. Thump. Thump. Thump. Without thinking, I reached around blindly for a big shard and grasped it so hard my hand sliced open and bled, too. 

I turned my head to stare at it for a long time, thinking about dragging it across my wrists but the idea only made me more sick. I couldn't do it. So instead, I dragged myself through all the broken glass and reached for my phone. There was only one person I could call and it was someone I should have called a long fucking time ago... 

She answered on the third ring, her raspy voice groggy. 

"Well, well, well. Hello, Miss Rey... It's been a long time, kiddo. Are you alright?"

I panted, almost unable to breathe at all. "No... No, I'm not... I need to see you. Right now. It's... It's an emergency."

Maz sighed and I heard rustling. "Okay. Okay. Are you safe? Where are you, hon?"

"I'm home... It's kind of messy... Sorry." I mumbled, dazed and exhausted. 

Maz laughed. "No, no - No need for sorrys, Rey. You kids and your 'sorrys'..." She groaned and heard more things moving around on her side. I glanced at the clock I hadn't destroyed that read 4:16AM. Oh shit. Oops. 

"I'll be there soon, hang tight. Remember what I taught you - count, count, count."

I nodded like she could see and rolled onto my back, cutting up the exposed skin on the glass beneath me. "Okay... See you soon. Thank you. I'm sorry." I hung up and took a deep, shaky breath with my eyes closed. 

Thank fuck my psychiatrist took house calls... I began counting, taking a deep breath in with every new finding, and a deep breath out with every two. What the fuck was I going to do without my Benny, my baby? I wanted to die - but Maz wouldn't allow that. 

Selfish. 

When she came in, she shook her head softly and handed me a Valium. She told me I'd need to come see her everyday to get two more a day, and actually come back on the regular in general. Fine. I needed help; I was grown enough to admit that... I'd already been seeing her for years before Ben, since my Uncle had died. I missed Oberon so much. He was the kindest man I'd ever known. 

But the dead don't speak, and my rage was starting to hurt other people than just myself... I didn't really _lie_, but I left a lot of the more _illegal_ things out, basically chocking it up to a bad break up. She helped me clean everything up and left an extra Valium to help me sleep. She was the best. 

After talking to Maz for a few hours, I was left alone with a clear head and homework for myself: find a new outlet. She was right - he was just a loser anyways. I deserved better. I decided right then and there that I was going to work on myself, improve my relationship with the one who mattered most: me. 

I got a new job and started working out, feeling 3, 000 times better. I went on the keto diet and hang out with my coworkers a few times, hitting the clubs around Hollywood and shrugged off creepy losers. I was so done with people. I didn't need them. 

Once, I thought maybe I saw Ben's friend Huggs out one night, far ahead of me on the street, but I doubted it. Los Angeles is too big to run into people so easily. I brushed it off, rain rolling off my shoulders. I didn't care. Everything was easier now, and I was a better person. I didn't worry about anyone except _me._ I was thriving. 

... But old habits died hard. 

My libido cranked up to 11 one night and I found myself back on Tinder. I swiped left for ten minutes straight, so fucking bored and tired, but horny and slightly determined. Masturbation was fun and all, but my fingers could only do so much. 

That's when I found him. My first possible right swipe since that dumb blonde girl, since that one guy. Whats-his-name. I bit my lip to hide my smile, gleeful. He was beautiful, and poetic. Played acoustic guitar. Ex military. Short. 

Poe. 

What a cute name... I right swiped and to my total surprise - we were a match. I bounced excitedly on the couch and sent him a quick 'hey', which he responded to, almost immediately I might add, with a 'hi beautiful 😘'. 

We made a date for the next night at my apartment and I danced around to Cardi B while I got ready, smoking my eyes out and applying a bright red lipstick. I studied my face in the mirror, pouting my lips and lowering my eyelids. I grinned wickedly; I was _hot._

He sent me a text, asking if he should bring condoms and I went to check my night stand to see if I had any left. I didn't find any, just the syringe and vile of Ropholyn staring back at me, testing my morals. I brushed my fingers over the needle and smiled fondly before picking it up to gaze at. 

I was moving on to better things, healing and thriving. Blooming into an independent woman. But I'd be a fucking idiot to let yet another man slip through my fingers. I couldn't face another heart break, another person leaving me behind for dead. No... 

No. Not this time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it - the end of it all
> 
> v long
> 
> Also TW: graphic past molestation (which will be italicized so you can skip it if you need to), suicidal thoughts, violence, and gore

"Shit, shit, shit, shit..." Hux mumbled, struggling to get seat belt on before he took off driving, racing to get us home and get the Holdol. I started trying to elbow the window out to escape, irrational and crazed. 

"Dude - dude! Calm down! Chill the fuck out! Just _breathe_, okay? We'll be home soon and we'll get your medicine -"

"FUUUUUCK!!!!" I screamed again, clutching my head. 

Hux flinched away from me, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. I couldn't think - I could only thrash around as the absolute animalistic feeling of sheer fucking fear enveloped me fully. My heart pounded in my head painfully and I ripped out some of my hair - anything to make it stop. 

But the crude, sickening visions of _my own mother_ sucking me off, grasping my half hard dick in her soft hands while I whimpered pathetically played over and over like a broken projector. I always tried to close my eyes, but she wouldn't let me. I was only 15, had barely just had my first kiss and she was furious... 

_"Open your eyes, Benny." Mommy murmured softly after spitting on the tip of my dick, jerking me off slowly. "I wanna see how good it feels, baby. I know it feels good. My baby. My Benny boy..." She cooed sweetly. _

_I liked when she called me Benny. I think I even liked when she took control, even if I was always half disgusted, half thrilled. I was sick. But I didn't want to get prostate cancer. _

_I groaned when her lips wrapped around me again and her hot spit drooled down my dick, cooling as it spilled down passed my balls. I shivered and clenched my teeth and fought back the tears. This was wrong. Fucked up. But it felt so... so... _

_"I'm gonna cum, Mommy. I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna c -" I moaned my whisper desperately, digging my nails into my palms. My eyes began to roll back into my head and my breath hitched - but Mommy pulled back, right as my balls started to tighten. She reared back and smacked my dick with the back of her hand._

_"Ohh - fuck!" I groaned in pain, but to my total embarrassment, I came anyways. I gasped and my toes curled. It felt fucking **incredible**. Oh my god... _

_Mommy's lips formed into a hard line as she glared at the mess I'd made all over the kitchen's tiled floor before she turned that glare on me. I went wide eyed, my face burning, and my mouth flapped open and closed, trying to apologize. _

_"I'm - I'm so sorry, Mommy! I didn't mean to - to - it was an accident! I -" I panted while I swept my sweaty hair back, shaking. She was fucking pissed. Shit. _

_"I don't recall giving you **permission** to cum, Benjamin." She snapped. "Look at this fucking mess!" She gestured angrily. "Clean it up. **Now.**"_

_I jumped up instantly, stuffing my softening and abused dick back into my pants. "Okay - okay. I'm sorry. I'll go get some paper towels and I'll fix it right up, Mommy. I'm sorry." _

_I felt so horrified and confused. Why did she hit me? And why did it feel so fucking good...? I was gonna smack my dick the next time I jerked off, though. For sure. _

_Mommy snatched my wrist and pulled me, hard, back towards her. She shook her head slowly, her eyes narrowed. "No. No paper towels."_

_My eyebrows pulled together in confusion and I blinked nervously. God she was pissed... "What... What should I use instead? I can get a dirty shirt or a towel but -"_

_"No."_

_She glanced down at the floor and then back to me, a smirk on her face. "Use your tongue. And you had **best** lick up -" She yanked me down to my knees hard enough to hurt, and pushed my head down roughly, bending me in half. My face was barely even an inch away from the cooling cum. "- every. Single. Last. **Drop.**"_

_I looked at her, disgusted and scared. "But -"_

_"No buts. Be a good boy for Mommy and eat your messy fucking cum."_

_I gulped and closed my eyes as a few tears fell. This was wrong. But who could I ever tell? Nobody would believe me. Dad would probably think it was my fault... and maybe it was. My hands formed into clenched fists again and I stuck out my tongue, timid. _

_"Yes, Mommy..."_

My stomach churned violently, and with out thinking, I ripped the door open and jumped out of Hux's car. The impact wasn't too bad since he'd barely started slowing down to a stop light. Cars honked and people screamed obscenities at me, middle fingers thrust out of cars in all directions. Even more people disappointed in me. Great. Hux's voice was the loudest, though. 

"Ben! Ben get bACK HERE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?!"

I was already running down the crowed sidewalk, though. He couldn't help me. How could he even try? He didn't understand. He didn't know how to help me. Only Rey knew how to help me. I limped blindly, a grip of tears blurring my vision but I trudged on. I noticed it was dark outside. A little cold, too... Well, as cold as LA could be in March... 

I rubbed my arms as I stumbled around, slowing down on crying finally. I vaguely knew where I was, but her apartment was only about an hour away or so on foot, I think. Give or take. I was gonna get there sooner or later. I was determined. I rubbed the snot from my nose with the back of my wrist, smearing it on my sweater sleeve. 

"It's fine. I'm fine. Really - I'm fine." I muttered to people that openly stared at me, mostly tourists who weren't used to seeing giant men crying in public. 

"I'm just sad. I'm just sad. I'm gonna be okay though. Just gotta get to Rey first. Then I'll be fine." I reassured a group of uncomfortable people at a crosswalk, assuming they gave a shit. They didn't, but I didn't care - it was more for my sake. 

Nobody understood me like Rey did. 

Fuck. I hope she's not dead. If she's not there, I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to leap of the roof. I'm gonna end my shit immediately. No more flashes of being molested, no more pain.

"Please don't be dead... Don't be dead, Mommy. Don't be dead. Please." I muttered over and over again. It was starting to rain as I rounded another corner, and I came face to face with the bum from before. Small fucking world... 

I stopped dead in my tracks for a second, deliberating, before I ran up to him, and the man jumped back away from me, shielding his face. 

"Whoa, man, back the _fuck_ up!" He shouted, looking around, terrified. 

I threw my hands up to show I meant no harm. I didn't even know what to say. "I - I'm sorry. Here... Here." I fished around in my joggers pockets and pulled out my wallet. "Here - here. Take it." I pulled out all the money and thrusted it towards him, panting. It was probably about 80 bucks. I wish I had more. 

"What? No! I don't want it! Are you filming me?! Leave me alone!" He yelled, confused and smacked my hands away. 

"No! No! You have to. Just take it! Please!" I started crying, confused. Why didn't he want it? He was a hobo. He should want it. "Take it!" I yelled, taking a few steps closer, pushing it into his face. 

The homeless man took a step backwards, eyes darting around still. I could tell he was confused but I didn't have time to explain. "Just take my fucking money, dude! Take it, for fuck sake -"

Then the man's fist connected with my nose so hard it knocked me off my feet. I fell back, and grabbed my nose that was gushing blood down my face. 

"Ow!!! What the fuck did you do that for?!" I screamed. 

The man kicked me in the gut and all the air in my body rushed out of me in a gasp. _Fuck!_

"Psychotic fuckin' prick! Why you shovin' money in a stranger's face for?! You one of those assholes that records that shit for likes on the Instagram?! Fuck you!" He kicked me in the ribs and I yelped, throwing my hands up to blindly defend myself. He was crying. 

"I'm not here to make you feel better about yourself! My life is shitty enough! Leave -" He kicked me in the side. "- Me -" He kicked again. "- Alone!"

His last kick connected to my face, directly into my right eye. I screamed in pain, gasping and grunting. I heard his fleeting foot steps disappear as he ran off, calling over his shoulder, "Go upload _that_ to YouTube, you dick!" before he disappeared. 

I rolled over to my side, holding myself in the now pouring rain and sobbed. "I was just trying to help, you mean old bastard..." I cried and spit up blood. I opened my eyes only to realize my right eye wouldn't open at all. Fucking great.

Last time I ever try to help someone... 

I laid there shivering and crying in the cold for a long time before I finally dragged myself up and limped harder than before, finding it impossible to stand up straight. Fuck it. Not much longer to Rey's. I felt empty after the encounter, no sadness or anxiety. He kicked the feelings out of me... Cool. Wish drugs worked that well... 

•••

When I finally staggered up to Rey's building, the rain was still unrelenting and I was shivering so hard that my teeth felt like they were about to shatter, like glass. I limped up the steps, the anxiety suddenly creeping back in as reality set in. I pushed the elevator button, breathing heavily and painfully. I think that fucking bum cracked a rib. 

The elevator ride to the fourth floor was quiet, the small man next to me didn't even offer me a glance, too absorbed into his cell phone to notice me, drenched in cold rain and covered in blood. Typical Californian. I exited slowly, rubbing my freezing arms as I turned left, limping towards 237. 

My hand froze on the knob. 

"Please... Please don't be dead... Please..." I whispered with my good eye smashed shut. I turned the knob slowly, biting my bloody lip. My heart slammed in my chest, beating so hard it made my entire body hurt. 

Holy shit - it was unlocked... 

I pushed it open slowly, the door squeaking obnoxiously loud. I slowly opened my eye, taking in all the furniture. It was still hers... A huge smile ripped across my face when I heard music playing for our bedroom. 

_Oh my god. Oh my god. She's alive! _

I limped quickly to the bedroom, ready to fall to my knees and grovel for forgiveness. Plead. Beg. Apologize endlessly. Pay. Anything she wanted. 

Anything. 

"Rey, I'm home." I panted excitedly. "I'm back. I'm so sorry, I love you, I came... back..." My words died on my tongue and a new pain I'd never felt before seized me in a vice grip. Jealousy. 

She wasn't alone. 

She was standing there next to the bed, mouth hanging open in visible shock. We stared at each other for a minute or two, neither knowing what to say.

The man tied up in _my_ spot lolled his head over, clearly drugged, his eyes barely able to focus. He had small slices on his chest and arms. 

"Whoooo dat?" He mumbled. 

"Ben?" Rey breathed, tears falling down her cheeks. I could only nod absent mindedly, glued to spot, unsure what to do. 

"Holy shit!" She sobbed. She turned away quickly from and that's when I noticed the glint of the knife in her hand. 

What the fuck...?!

Rey began stabbing the doped up stranger, the sounds of the knife making sick squelching sounds as she ripped it out, and nauseating crunching noises when she stabbed back in. My stomach churned at the noises and I help my hand over my mouth. 

Sweet Jesus... 

But it was over as quickly as it began and Rey spun back around towards me, panting and her hands soaked in blood. She dropped the knife on the floor and we both ignored the man's watery, guttural groans and gasps of pain. I stood there with my mouth still wide open, confused. 

Holy shit. Did... Did she just fucking kill that guy, orrr...? 

"Benny... You came back!" She cried, a huge smile spreading across her beautiful face as she rushed towards me, jumping on me and wrapping her strong legs around my fucked up ribs. I growled in pain as we toppled over onto the floor and she suffocated me with kisses all over my face. 

I laid there in shock until I eventually wrapped my arms around her and kissed her back, the reality of having my woman back finally sinking in. If I had a dog tail, it'd be wagging at jet propeller speeds. I was going to explode like an H Bomb. I'd never been so fucking happy in my entire god damn life. We cried and laughed and shook, kissing and speaking at the same time. 

"I love you. I'm sorry."

"I missed you. I went literally insane."

"Me too. Fuck, I love you."

"I love you so much."

"I love you. Don't ever leave again."

"Never. Never again. I'd rather die."

We went on and on, vowing our everlasting love and devotion as the random asshole in _my_ bed rasped and coughed and gurgled until eventually, he made no more noises. 

"I think he's dead..." Rey murmured after she took a second to glance at him. 

"Good. Get him _the fuck_out of my spot." I growled as I glared daggers at his corpse. Rey giggled and snuggled into my neck. 

"Okay, Benny. I'm so glad you're back. I missed you so much." She spoke in that beautiful baby talk as she squeezed my mouth in one hand so hard, I flinched in pain.

"Missed you too." I tried to say, being cut off with a kiss.

Rey hopped up quickly to help me up and to the couch before skipping off to the kitchen. She returned quickly with a First Aid kit and set to fixing me up while I gazed at her with an open mouth. 

I couldn't believe she was really alive... 

"Tell me _everything!_ Especially about your face... I'll fucking kill them." She hissed as she gingerly dabbed alcohol on my wounds. 

I smiled and placed my hand on her thigh, relishing in the softness of her smooth flesh. She was wearing some lingerie, black and lacy, and it made my cock hard. Rey glanced at my hand and raised an eyebrow before instantly jumping into my lap and straddling my hips. She kissed me deeply, swirling her tongue around mine and I grasped her small waist, sighing excitedly. 

Rey pulled back, her eyes hooded. Her eyes searched mine for a moment before a small smile spread across her face, lipstick smeared but still perfect. 

"You cut your hair..." Rey whispered, caressing my bruised face. She kissed my swollen eye gently and gave me a small Eskimo kiss. "I like it."

She crawled onto her knees and unzipped my pants. She licked her bloody palm and started jerking my rock hard dick off, showing off with extra flare as she twisted her wrist. She wrapped her lips around the head of my cock and swallowed inch by inch and I moaned as I wrapped my fingers into her brunette locks. 

"I love you, Benny." She mumbled as she came up from air before quickly getting back to licking the pre cum drooling from my pulsing dick. Oh my fucking _God_.

I closed my good eye and smiled as my head leaned back against the couch. She slobbered obnoxiously as her head bobbed and her tongue swirled expertly as she deep throated my dick, and I was already about to cum. Holy shit. Fuckkkk... I was gonna marry her. Have babies. Anything. Everything. 

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I bit my lip, huffing and puffing quickly, my ribs aching but I didn't care. I slowly thrusted my hips in time with her head bobs, lightly stroking her soft, curled hair. Mommy always had such pretty brown hair. My lips parted and I licked them, watching her work. 

Beautiful. 

I _loved_ how she slurped me down... It felt right. Nostalgic. Like fresh baked cookies or bedtime stories or watching Blade Runner with dad or the sweltering summer sun beaming down at the community pool, all yellows and blues swirled together... What bliss. 

Just like she always used too. 

"I - I love you too, Mommy..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww! A happy ending! ✨💙✨
> 
> thank you for all the support and comments! they seriously made my day, every single one. and look at that - my second ever finished fic! lmao. I'm going to add an epilogue later. eventually... thanks for reading you guys ✨ love you all! 💙 I have other fics too soooooooooo ya know 👀😏
> 
> also catch me on Twitter @ burntbleach!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue! 
> 
> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time jump, exposition, domestic fluff
> 
> follow me on Twitter @envious_hera 🖤

My eyes shot open as soon as Kira started crying and I kicked Ben softly with my foot under the covers, trying to wake him up. He tried to insist that we keep her crib in our room but both of us kept waking up any time she moved in her sleep. 

So after almost four months, we agreed: back to the nursery. 

"Benny - can you get her, please? Mama is tired. So tired..." I mumbled into my pillow and yawned. He shot up and stumbled out of the room blindly, half asleep. I listened to him softly coo to her and quietly sing to her. I smiled sleepily into my pillow, his deep and sweet voice helping me back into a rare REM cycle. 

Good boy.

When I woke up in the morning, I lifted Kira from her crib and bounced her on my hip to the Strokes while I made breakfast for Benny before he went to work. He'd been promoted at work about a year ago and we started renting a cute little house in Glendale. Nice neighborhood with even nicer neighbors that invited us over for dinner sometimes. 

Finn and Rose were the sweetest. It was nice to finally have some friends, especially next door. 

Which was great since Benny didn't have any friends after we'd gotten back together. Hux was furious but that's just because he was so in love with _my_ man. Cry baby ginger fuck. I felt sort of bad since Benny didn't have a best man at our wedding, but I didn't have any bridesmaids, either. 

We didn't need anyone else, though. Just each other. 

Maz and a few coworkers and cousins of his attended the small ceremony we had at Venice Beach. I pestered him to invite his mother for months since I still hadn't met her at that point. That was, until he finally broke down and told me what had happened when he was younger between them. 

My blood fucking boiled, but I still insisted he invite her. I just wanted to talk. I had s feeling he had mommy issues, but never suspected something so fucked off like _that_... Evil cunt. 

I still to this day don't know why Maz was so shocked when I punched Leia in the fucking mouth. She knew, just like I did, what that evil bitch did. She deserved it. His dad was drunk and confused, since apparently he had no idea until I started yelling that she was an incestuous pedophile. Whoops. 

It was... A whole thing... 

So yeah. We got married that day, and his parents ended their 36 year long marriage. I count it as a double win. Maybe even a triple win, since Han started calling Benny everyday and they'd drink beers together on the couch. Han is the best grandpa, too - and Kira loves the Solo men a little more than she does me.

But that's okay, I can't really blame her. They are the best charmers on the planet. Sweetest scoundrels in the galaxy, really. 

Kira yanked on my tank top impatiently, and I absentmindedly pulled it down for her, letting her latch on to my tit and feed. She was just about ready to start on real food soon but I couldn't get her off breastfeeding yet. Another tiddie sucker, just like me and her Dada. Funny. I even had to take out my piercings for her, and that's real love right there. 

I smiled as I thought about the last three years since we'd gotten back together while I watched the pancakes fluff up on the griddle. Lots of therapy. Lots of anger management classes. Medication. Tears. Laughs. Cooking lessons. But no more hitting, and no more drugging - not unless we were having sex and he asked for it. 

Consent. Boundaries. Thinking before acting. Breathing. Walking away. Talking instead of yelling. Healthy outlets, like the punching bag in the garage. I still had so much suffocating guilt for all that I'd done to him but I was changing for the better. I had to. For him - but now also for Kira. 

It was still hard to not lash out, and there were a few patched up holes in the walls to prove it, but there was no more hitting him, not since he came home. 

I'd come a long fucking way from bashing his leg in and holding him hostage. And Benny had come a long way from being an alcoholic and a victim of incestuous molestation. Now he was mending, slowly but surely. I'd never been so proud of anyone before. He was so strong. Stronger than me. 

These things didn't just happen over night, though. We had to change so much about ourselves and how we communicated. Open doors, constant honesty. There was only one thing that was off limits, and that was something we both agreed on:

The body we'd thrown in the dumpster that night. 

I bit my lip as I flipped a pancake. Yeah... Some things were best left unspoken. Nobody but us needed to know about it. That's how you get arrested, and there was no fucking way either of us would _ever_ give up what we'd worked so hard for. I snorted. Yeah, no. 

_Not a fucking chance._

I kissed Kira's head and turned to set her in her high chair, but I found Benny standing there, watching us with a glimmer in his eye. He took Kira for me and sat down at the table, letting her gnaw on his thumb. I scratched under his scruffy chin and smiled before I went to start plating his breakfast. 

His hair was longer now, brushing his shoulders again and he'd grown a mustache and goatee. I always thought I'd hated the whole dad look, but I fucking adored it on him. 

"Rose and Finn wanna hang out tonight. Think I'll see if dad will come watch her so we can all go out or something. You up for it?" Benny asked while he bounced Kira on his knee. 

"Hell yeah. Dad is always down to hang out with her so I doubt you really gotta beg." I laughed. 

"I know. He can't wait for her to be able to see over the steering wheel so he can start teaching her how to drive." He turned her around to face him and held her up. "You're gonna be a NASCAR driver, ain't ya? NNNNRRRRRRMMMMM." 

He moved her around in the air, mimicking turns before blowing raspberries on her belly and making nonsense baby noises. 

Kira giggled her sweet little baby giggles and kicked her feet all crazy, knocking Benny in the chin. He winced and lowered her back down. "Ow! Or maybe an MMA fighter. Shit... Is that what mama teaches you while I'm gone? Pro fighter tips against dada?" He raised an eyebrow at me and narrowed his eyes. 

"Yep. It's all a conspiracy against you. We're gonna wait til her kindergarten graduation and just Fight Club the fuck out of you." I said nonchalantly as I popped a piece of sausage into my mouth. I tickled Kira's cheek. "We're gonna beat dada into oblivion, huh baby girl? Yes we are. Yes we areee."

Benny held her close to his chest, cradling her head protectively, and gave me an incredulous look. "This is why we don't have mallets in the house, I just want you to know that."

I rolled my eyes and sat down at the table, pulling my chair right next to him. "Fuck around, Benny - I'll saw your legs right off with a butter knife so you can never escape again." I pointed one at him to further prove my point. 

Ben shook his head, scoffing, and patted Kira on the back. 

"Nah. I couldn't escape, even if I wanted to. Child support, selling the house, blowing my brains out because I couldn't be around my girls every day... You're stuck with me, mama." He smirked. 

I shrugged and leaned over to kiss his lips. 

"You're stuck with me, too, ya know." I smiled. "Especially since I've trapped you with a carbon copy of you. My evil plan worked." I laughed maniacally before stopping dead and leveling him with glare. "But seriously, I'll saw your fucking legs off, Benny."

"Oh no, Mama. It'd be my turn. It's all only fair."

I pursed my lips while I tore my pancake up to nibble on. 

"The only way I'm leaving you is if you kill me and drop in a dumpster."

We both laughed and Benny set Kira down to nap before he went to leave for work. I watched him, so glad I'd found my soul mate that could laugh at inside jokes about murder and trauma. Magical. 

"Hey..." I grabbed his belt before he leaned down to kiss me goodbye, and smiled deviously. 

Benny gulped softly. "Yeah?"

I pushed him into the wall and pulled his hair, forcing his face down to me. "When you get home tonight..." I breathed, gripping his belt tighter and pushing against his groin. He huffed a little and I smiled. I loved the effect I still had on him, even after he'd watched doctors cut me open and take out our baby. 

Our baby... I still couldn't believe it. 

Benny stared down at me, his eyes hooded as I felt his dick harden against my stomach. "Come straight to the room... I have a little surprise for you." I murmured, my lips brushing against his goatee. 

"But... But what about Rose and Finn...?" He whispered. 

I pulled harder on his hair and he hissed and smiled. 

"Something came up..." I whispered back in between kisses on his throat. He shivered and his cock twitched. I licked his ear lobe softly. "I'm gonna fuck you, suck you off, and you're gonna make me cum until we soak the sheets."

Benny moaned and held on to my hips while he rolled his against me. "Yes, Mama..."

I pulled his jaw towards me so I could kiss him sweetly before pushing him roughly away. He leaned his head back against the wall with his eyes closed, a big grin on his handsome face. He adjusted his hard on and straightened his tie before he opened his eyes and looked down at me with so much raw lust, it made my stomach flip in excitement. 

"Have a good day at work, Benny baby... Think about me." I smacked his ass as he staggered out the door. 

"Always, Mama. Always. I love you."

"I love you, too." I smiled and watched him go. He still had a light limp sometimes, but the doctors helped mend it, just like he helped mend me. He turned and winked at me when he got to the car and I waved, biting my lip to hide my smile. 

Our red string of fate may be more like an itchy red bondage rope than a soft ribbon, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! ♡´･ᴗ･`♡
> 
> & follow me on Twitter @envious_hera tyyy


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